Donald Trump was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang .
'Hello, Mr. Trump!' a heavily accented voice said, 'This is Kuttychettan from Peringottukara, District Thrissur, Kerala... I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!'
'Well, Kuttychetta,' Trump replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army? '
'Right now,' said Kutty, after a moment's calculation, 'There is myself, my cousin Kunjikannan, my next door neighbour Sahadevan, and the entire volleyball team from the Panchayath. That makes nine '.
Trump paused. 'I must tell you, Kutty that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Anganeyaano...' said Kutty. 'I'll have to ring you back!'
Sure enough, the next day, Kutty called again.
'Mr. Trump, this is Kutty, I'm calling from Kunnamkulam, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!'
'And what equipment would that be, Kutty' Trump asked.
'Well, we have two sand lorries, an elephant and Veluchettan's tiller.'
Trump sighed. 'I must tell you, Kutty, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'
'Ninde onakkapinnakku....' said Kutty. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Kutty rang again the next day.
'Mr. Trump, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Veluchettan's tiller by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the rubber thottam generator. Four 7th class pass boys from Batherri have joined us as well!'
Trump was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Kutty, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'
'Aiyo ennikku vaiyaa....' said Kuttychettan, 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Kuttychettan called again the next day.
'Aiyo, Mr.Trump! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'
'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Trump. 'Why the sudden change of heart'
'Well,' said Kuttychettan, 'We've all had a long chat over a couple of chayas and parrippu vadas, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!'
NOW THAT'S CALLED MALAYALEE CONFIDENCE.