With a title like this, your mind is probably screaming clickbait. I can assure you, however, it's not. In this post I intend to share a potential method that one could use to execute a successful bank robbery. I feel obligated to inform you that this is merely a thought experiment. The only goal here is to get your mind to approach problem solving from new perspectives. Obviously I could never condone the actual theft of intrinsically worthless pieces of paper— especially not from an organization that has forcefully stolen repossessed real, tangible items of value and properties from the people for centuries.
Two wrongs don't make a right, right?
The idea came to me when I was contemplating the perfect bank robbery. I must have been watching a heist movie and attempting to figure out how they were going to do it— because obviously there's no other reason why I would be considering such a thing.
The first challenge I was faced with was how to avoid civilian casualties. This was more difficult than it seemed, as even if I opted to avoid using live weapons, an overzealous copper could inadvertently shoot another while attempting to take me out.
The way I could see it, there was only two options ahead of me. I could either rob the bank at night when no one is around, or devise a way to ensure that no coppers turned up during the heist.
If I was to do it at night, I would then have to figure out a way to disable a security system and break into a vault. That would require at least a few months of studying, as well as expensive resources to practice on.
Naturally, given my impatience, I went with door number 2; devise a plan to ensure no police presence is at the bank when I am.
This isn't so easy. The infamous button is in immediate reach of all employees at the bank, and negating the possibility of a hero-employee triggering an alarm seemed effectively impossible. I was once again faced with the option of studying for months, learning how to hack electrical systems in a way that would render the alarm redundant...
Yet again, my impatience made sure I instead thought about the quicker option. There had to be an easier way. A way I could make the prospect of triggering the alarm far more terrifying than even me.
My fucked up mind was quite forthcoming with ideas, but there was one that resonated with me far more than any other. An idea that may or may not have had the best chance of success among the totality of contemplated strategies, but did possess a strong sense of poetry.
The Method
There's nothing more terrifying than the boogieman, and we can find in today's society a modern manifestation of the boogieman in the form of the terror we know as ISIS. The media and governments have already spent copious amounts of time and money injecting fear of ISIS into the general public, in spite of this reportedly accurate statement from California Democratic Congressman Ted Lieu;
"The chances of being struck by lightning TWICE is 1 in 9 million. The chances of being killed by a refugee committing a terrorist act is 1 in 3.6 billion."
They may have put in the effort to create this ubiquitous fear, but they do not have a monopoly on it. So how best could I use this terror to my advantage in regards to the task at hand?
Time for a thought experiment.
Imagine if you will, that you are an employee at a major bank. You can choose your own occupation, and for the sake of this experiment, you may even wish to be an armed security guard. Now picture yourself at work on a hot summers day. The bank is busy and through the tinted window of the bank you can see masses of bodies out on the busy street. Let's even throw some children out there playing to make it more interesting.
Suddenly, a man comes rushing into the bank. He is wearing black, covered from head to toe, with only his eyes visible. Dressed in the exact same manner as the ISIS soldier you seen on BBC News 24 earlier that week, he screams out,
"Freeze, mother bitches!!"
With everyone's eyes now on him, he very quickly pulls back a layer of cloth to reveal what appears to be several sticks of C4 explosive, wired to a switch in the man's right hand.
He quickly, and somewhat angrily, informs everyone in the bank that he is holding a deadman switch. If he takes his finger off the trigger then everyone in the bank, and many in the surrounding streets and buildings, will be dead.
You believe at this point that it is ISIS. The robber/terrorist has stated that all they want is the money, but if they see a single policeman — even after leaving the bank — the bomb will be detonated.
Now envision the faces of all the people in the bank, and those of the kids out front playing, and tell me;
Would you push the button? Would you sound the alarm?
My guess, is that for 99.9% of the population, the answer would be no. Even after the bandit had made his way out with the stolen cash, I imagine it may be a few minutes before the remaining people have finished debating whether or not to call for help.
An armed security guard within the bank may be more inclined to take action. But, with so many lives on the line and a dead man switch in the mix, it seems likely to me that barring a history of expert training in tactical arms situations, any other security guard would simply submit to the will of the robber and lower their gun.
Such a heist could be attempted with very little groundwork. There would be a need for some arts and crafts to create some realistic-looking, but completely benign explosive props. With a convincing vest and a bit of acting skills, as well as the right selection of bank, one might just get away with such a robbery.
That doesn't mean try it. It's naughty, and illegal! ALWAYS OBEY.
The Irony
I know that a lot of my followers share in my understanding that the banks are above the governments of this world. That, or they are simply two heads of many on the same monster, chasing the exact same agendas but playing the roles of separate entities in order to hide the true depths of its power. Perhaps that second suggestion is a little crazy, but then again, how many bankers are on the Donald Trump administration now? five? Or was it six now?
The point is, it is the banks who profit most from any and all wars. It is they who helped the governments fund and train radical's so that they could destabalize countries who's leaders were not easily controlled. It was they who have now toppled most of those leaders and privatized their countries' central banks, effectively enslaving entire nations to the toughest master of all-- debt.
It is my belief that Islamic extremism exists, not as an unintended result of the actions of bankers. but as a deliberate, funded effort to radicalize a populous and wreak havoc in the Middle East. Efforts supported, if not purposed, by shady figures among the highest echelons of power in the banking industry.
I find then, a beautiful example of poetic justice. To use a tool created by the banks, to rob a bank, is pretty much like saying "fuck you" at the same time. Any employees or general public who were within the bank during the heist, would be convinced that it was genuinely ISIS who committed the crime. But, the owners, shareholders, and those in the very highest levels of employment at the bank, will undoubtedly know that it was not. Why would their baby bite the breast that fed them, nurtured them, and allowed them to thrive? They wouldn't, and one would be able to enjoy a little smirk, knowing that the fuckers know that.
I'd probably try it out myself, if I didn't have a dog that would need looking after if shit went South. And obviously, if it wasn't illegal. I would never break something as sacred as the law..
So... That was one way to rob a bank, and to say fuck you to an industry that has kept the people on their knees for centuries. I thank you for allowing me to share my random thoughts with you.
A couple of thoughts for you:
How would you rate this method of bank robbery's chances of success? And what strategy would you use if you were going to do such a thing?
If you could do so without anyone getting hurt, traumatized or even stressed, would you consider robbing a bank to be immoral, or simply illegal?
