In this article, we shall look at the origins of jealousy, why human beings behave like reptiles and why they seek revenge as a protectionism mechanism when their objects(lovers) are or are thought to be fleeing. I have chosen not to give examples. But as i write, i have never fallen in love but i have had many girls who wanted to fall in love or who fell in love or who thought we had fallen in love in their imaginary world. These experiences and the people i have seen and observed for my university years have helped me to write this article.
Jealousy is the fear of losing what we possess or what we think we possess. Jealousy can be due to emotional insecurity or sexual infidelity. It should not be confused with envy.
Envy occurs when a person lacks another's superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it according to parrot and Smith. If the other girl has dress you don't have or if the other boy has a toy you don't have.
Although people normally say that women become jealous because of emotional insecurity and that for a man, after sexual infidelity on the part of the woman, i will not affirm. In any case, i don't like the man-woman divide while analysing things.
A lady is likely to get jealous by just seeing his man FLIRT with another potential lady(nice/beautiful). A man is likely to get jealous if the woman has or is projected to have a sexual affair with another man. At the bottom line, whether emotional or sexual infidelity, jealous is seen in both men and woman.
But what are the causes?
The origin of jealousy is connected to a certain “loss”. As long as there is an attachment between 2 people, jealousy will always prevail. The degree of being jealous and ways of reacting depends on an individual.
Some people say that in order to maintain social relations, a certain degree of jealous is needed. The problem with the society is that we are socialised to think that jealous doesn't exist, i.e it is only in films and theatres. In some cases we just use the word “Possessive”.
When you have something you possess, but you realise that someone else(third party) wants to take it, you use protection mechanisms so that you don't lose your possession/object/lover
By protecting/possessing it(her/him), you will also want to possess their desires and their needs. In short, by all means you have to control this possession of yours. In worst scenarios, you will employ surveillance mechanisms. This is done because you are scared of the 3rd party.
There is the ALL logic in which the jealous person wants to be “all”(the only attention seeker), wants the “all” of the other, the person himself and their desires. The person in questions HAS to desire nothing else.
Because of this constant fear, the person you loved becomes an object you want to control. This is called objectification of your lover. Whenever your object changes form or becomes different, you get greatly threatened. For example, your boyfriend smells a girls perfume or is wearing a necklace you have never seen.
What happens when you can no longer control him/her?
Its at this point that jealous shifts from being normal to being a disease. You can call it pathological jealous.
Since you want to control the person, it means you will depend on the person and nothing else. As a result this weakens you and it will put you in a state of anxiety.
When people fall in love, they think that they are in Unison(choir). They feel that one adds(compliments) to the other. This utopic completeness(completude). The “me” and “you” become an “us”
But when the 3rd person comes or is thought to come through, he/she threatens the unison-the US. There is an ongoing imagination that the 3rd person is going to break the “us”
As human beings we cant let the “us” break down
What can we resort to?
The jealous partner becomes cruel, brutal, angered, enraged. The person is out of oneself. You no longer understand that you are jealous. However, the emotion of losing someone is devastating.
It is more devastating if in your head, the person you loved had or you thought she/he had a lower intellectual, social, racial, cultural, background as compared to yours.
This leads you in a situation of confusion, aggressiveness, hatred, anxiety and terror. All these are internal flights in your body. When you get over burdened, you become physically weak.
As a matter of fact you want to revenge(poor investment of energy). Revenge is a form of fight. When human beings are faced with danger, they fight, flee or freeze.
This is called the reptilian mode. We start behaving like snakes or crocodiles. The reptilian mode takes us more than 1000 years in human brain formation.
For the case of ladies, they have low testosterones. But when they are jealous and want to seek revenge, the testosterone levels multiply.
Since men have testorenes in huge amounts, they are used of taking them off easily but for a women who is not used of controlling testosterones, they might overflow and the results can be catastrophic.
The jealous person in first person : Since i have invested in my possession but i see that it is leaving me, i will make sure it suffers or dies and should never belong to someone else.
I will seek all ways to harm it or make its friends suffer. I will pour acid on it , knock it down, give it poison or i will kill myself so that it suffers my death..
By bwikizofelix.
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