419 my encounter
I came back from engaging in a door to door public service on a Friday evening as was my custom then, a few days back. Tired, I was about to enter the bathroom when I heard my phone rang. I checked and saw that it was a 'foreign number' that I missed it's call twice the previous day. I picked the call and the following conversation ensued:
Caller : Hellloooooo, my dearest
Me: ( my ears don stand attention like baby dog own, still I no fit remember the voice) hello, please who is this?
Caller: Whaaat you don't know me? You don't remember this voice?
Me:( a bit confused) No please, please help me out I really do not remember
Caller: You don't know me from London?( trying so hard to form yankee accent)
Me: ( very sure now that I am dealing with a scammer, I settled in my bed and assumed the voice of a spoilt rich kid) From London? Is that uncle Nicholas?
Caller: hahh, wonderful! Yes my baby, I would have beaten you if you did not remember me again! How are you? How is Naija? How is bla bla bla......
Me: ( feigning serious excitement, ) Uncle NIIIICHOLAS! OMG! I cant believe this, where have you been all these while? No one has been able to tell us about the whereabout of you and your family. Grandma has been worried sick with no news from you.(me wey no get any grandperson) Haba Uncle, why did you cut off from the family like that? Is it because of the quarrel you had with Uncle James? It's not fair o. You did not even contact me, me your favourite girl.
Caller: oh so sorry my baby, that is why am calling you now from a phone booth. Bring a biro and write my phone number so you will call me and we will talk better.
Me: I was in London last year and I went to your house. I was told you guys have moved and it seemed you did not leave a forwarding address
Caller: Yes my dear, we moved.Just bring a biro and write down my number so you can call me anytime
Me: chei Uncle, how is Kenneth and Tamara( na dat kain name London Uncles dey name their children abi?) They must be very big now. Oh how I have missed them. Please tell them I would do everything in my power to see them whenever I visit the UK again.
Caller: ( trying very hard to keep his cool) Okay my dear, just bring the biro and paper and write down my number before I forget
Me: Okay Uncle, lest I forget will you come to Naija for the elections, I remember you always like to vote(it was some months before the last elections)
Caller: If you want I will come but bring a biro and write down the number dear...
Me: nooo, the thing is there is so much tension in the country due to the upcoming elections, Aunty is even asking us to move to the US before the election and stay there until everything is over but Uncle James says we should just leave Abuja to Lagos as he is sure we would be safe there. So I won't want you to come even though I have missed you so much
Caller: Am calling the number now...
Me: How is Aunty now, there were some things she promised to give me the last time you guys came to Naija. Tell her I have not forgotten o.
Caller: okay, I will tell her but get my number first
Me: oh sorry, let me get the pen and paper(I got a pen and paper, wrote down the phone number after I had deliberately missed the numbers he called several times)
Caller: so make sure you call me soon with that number, okay?
Me: okay ooo, hmmm, na wao. Uncle Nicholas is this really you?
Caller: Ah my dear, its me o you are still surprised dont worry when you call we talk
Me: Uncle Nicholas, is this really you?
Caller: My dear why are you asking again if its me, has my voiced changed or what?
Me: no uncle its not just the voice o, am actually scared
Caller: Why are you scared my dear?
Me: Uncle its because, its bècause we buried you three years ago in the village. You are dead and am worried that I am speaking with your ghost and.....(he cuts in)
Caller: (In his correct naija agboro voice) God punish you idiot, ashewo etc( me cuts in)
Me: ( in my correct naija babe voice) you see am say you be learner, who don dey serve God punishment now? Yeye dey smell, no go look for better work do, ewu Somalia. I don chop your credit well well, na who be d mugu?(at this point laff wan kee me, the guy vex no be here. E cut him call sharperly after im don swear for me😂😂😂😂)
We should all be very careful both in and out there because the world is as ugly as it is beautiful these days. There are predators everywhere. I see you all of you.
