By the way, I would be turning twenty-five (25) this 23rd of June! It would be a wonderful idea to receive gifts and letters around the world. Okay, I was just sharing! Giggles
Going back to what I was sharing, I really had a lot of questions in my life to the point that I would ask questions as to why I exist in this world. The things that I shared all of you which was so personally are popping inside my head again.
Gladly, I realized that at some point in my life, I was useful to the community. I could remember that I was just so motivated to do things for the betterment of the community. I was so inspired to do things in life. But right now, it seems like I am stuck inside a quicksand. I do not know what to do. I do not know if I could hold on to something so that I could still breath properly. I do not even know if someone close to me can see me in such situation.
Do they even know that I had been battling with depression? And if they do, I wonder why they chose to keep silent and did nothing for me?
I tried to recall many people in my life and I still feel lucky that a lot of them, including my parents, do care for me particularly about my mental health. I would not be surprised then if my parents would tell me that they could often hear me cry and shout inside my room at time.
My closest friends even know how much I had struggled with depression. Eli and Claire are two of my friends who told me that I could open at them anytime despite their busy schedules.
Meanwhile others think of me as the class clown and being depressed would be the last thing that would happen to me. I admit, I am not that strong and I really prefer to listen to counselling from my family, friends, and others who had been battling with depression too.
On the other hand, my father, who has been very keen towards my actions and reactions told me to get myself enrolled at the university again. He said, I could take any course that I wanted. Upon hearing those words of him, I began to be fascinated in thinking that I would be at school again just like a little girl who is so excited to get her baon every day!
It was an opportunity for me to rebuild myself (for the nth time) and an opportunity to have a dynamic learning experience.
In respond on what he said to me last week, I tried to enroll to another college in our university. But to my dismay though, the college was looking for my honorable dismissal. Just like a steamer, I easily got confused and then mad. Although I was quiet at that time, it was so visible with my facial expression as to how disappointed I was on the system.
In the first place I would not be admitted under the Public Administration if I have not presented to the Registrar my Honorable Dismissal from my undergraduate studies which I took up AB- International Studies.
Last year, I was supposed to be enrolled with Professional Education at University of Pangasinan during my training under the amazing Teach for the Philippines (member of the Teach for All network). Out of almost 500 applicants on the second batch of 2017 Cohort, I was one of the few that was chosen. Unfortunately, I let it slipped away because my anxiety and depression kept bugging me during our training in Quezon City and Pangasinan.
A little dilemma then was presented to me to keep me thinking.
What kind of subtitle was that, Gail? Haha!
I was then in dilemma whether or not I would pursue my thesis writing or proceed to take up Certificate on Teaching. With what happened to me, I felt like I was not fit to have a second course. I was faint-hearted. I was easily moved.
I managed my time in talking to Dr. Base instead because I knew I would gain wonderful insights from him. By the way, he is currently the Department Chair of DPA as far as I know. He was also able to work with USAID. He is really such a brilliant person.
He motivated me to finish my Master's Degree because the only thing that I lacked is my thesis before I could graduate. Well, he has a point. We also got to talk about #steemit it him. Well, I did not expect that I could open it up to him to think that he was busy at that time reading journals.
He convinced me that I could pursue my degree while taking up the second course of mine, while I convinced him to join steemit too. Glad he did registered! Good job,Gail! I found out about it when I visited the department's office yesterday afternoon.
At that moment on, I realized that one should not settler for mediocrity. I should work out for my succeess.
Never surrender!
Although I was a little bit disheartened with what happened, that did not stop me in pursuing my short term goals as of the moment. What was I typing again? I am sorry I forgot. It is three in the morning and I am a bit drowsy.
Anyway, I decided to proceed with the enrollment few days later which was just yesterday. I know I need to fight before I give up right?
And so I met our department chair. In all fairness, she is beautiful and fair-skinned. She helped me with the process. She was too kind and brilliant to tell me that I do not need to take up the entrance examination from our Department since I already passed the entrance exam at graduate studies which was said to be heavier.
She was moved though that my grades at grad school were excellent and asked me why I wanted to take COT as of the moment, I told her then that having a noble profession is one of the things I wanted to pursue in life.
Of course! I still need to fall in line despite the fact that I have a number of connections inside the university. Clientelism was never good and I do not want it to be tolerated.
Anyhow, it is getting very late right now. I need to go to sleep. I will have a long day ahead. Yay! I am so excited to be officially enrolled. I will also process my PhilHealth. Haha!
or Johanna Gail is a free-spirited freelance artist. She took up Bachelor of Arts in International Studies in one of the Ateneo universities in the Philippines. She is currently a candidate for Masters in Public Administrations. She volunteers in various non-profit/nongovernmental organization which aims for human rights through political education. She draws and writes about the country to provide awareness and promote the Philippines to foreign tourists.