In the past months I feel like I was in a beautiful dream. In my dream, I met a really wonderful man. I call him Panda and he calls me my Bamboo. We shared and enjoyed lovely moments and we also shared our pains. He shared me his heart and he loved me. We both knew that we both crave for that true love. He showed me care that I never felt from a man before. This man has really got me head over heels. He's really wonderful and he's been my angel. He kept my heart warm when I was feeling cold and shared the same to him too. He's the only man I talk to even during late nights. Each time he expressed to me what's inside his heart, it makes my love becomes deeper. I believed his words that he loves me and values everything about me. We shared moments of love and kindness. It's indeed a moment I wish to cherish all my life. But all of a sudden, I wake up from that beautiful dream and now I have to face the reality that my beloved Panda only loves me as a friend and nothing more. Panda finally confessed to me last night that he has now found a girlfriend. It's hard to believe that the man I love belongs to another heart now. He was surprised with my reaction and he told me that he never knew that I was inlove with him.
He wrote me this message on WeChat.
You know , I have said I want to find a gf for a long time now. I need a gf that I can actually see and visit. To touch and hold. I do love you and value everything about, it was no lie. I still feel same for you.
I didn't realize your feelings were so romantic for me. I felt it towards you too. I just need something here and now.
She is quite young and I expect she will change a lot soon. We have very different cultural backgrounds. She is in a different city but I can see her by train regularly.
It happened very suddenly. She added me to WeChat one day after I was at an English corner. We started talking because I thought she added me from that English corner. But a few days later I realized she was not a student at that this school but one far away. But we really connected. So we travelled to meet. She is really a traditional girl but not chinese, she is Uygher. A Chinese minority, Muslim.
She really is sweet and kind. I'm happy we met.
I never meant to hurt you. I'm surprised by your reaction. I do hope you complete your TESOL and I know you will get a great job in China. You will find so much happiness here. And will be able to support your siblings in PH much better.
He may have met a new girlfriend now but my heart is still hoping that oneday he will find me there again in his heart. No woman in the world can ever surpass my love for this man. What I feel for him is long-term. He's not really hard to love. He's very understanding, sweet and kind.
I wanted to cry and hate him but my tears won't flow anymore. There's no way I could hate him really. My heart choose to love him more and only love itself can heal the pain.
Panda told me that he's hoping that I won't miss any opportunities just because of him and I answered:
"What more I could ask for if I have your heart and I see you happy."
Panda is now back to being inlove and now here I am back to starting over again. I know this day would come, I really anticipated this day that he can hurt me big time. Anyway, this is also my choice too, I lead myself to this situation, I let him enter into my life and opened up my heart to him.
Although I'm hurting I will continue being his friend as he remained being my bestfriend.
Panda taught me so much what true love is really all about, what true love can do and how powerful it can be. Hearts can change in any moment. Life is fickle as it really is. Enjoy every moment as they happen and if ever that moment will end. Start again and make another more new moments.
I need to choose love over pain, this is the only way that I could get back on track with my life. My TESOL class will soon start this Monday. I'm hoping it will be a great experience for me and will help me to keep busy. I hope to meet some new friends and learn more about teaching. I need to focus on this dream now. I believe I met Panda for a reason, he lead me to find that dream in me, he believes I can create my own success. Panda gave me courage to work hard and not give up in making my dreams come true. I hope to get that teaching job in China soon. I'm hoping it can make a big difference in my life. For sure it will. I don't know if Panda will ever read this but I really want to let him know that he really made a big difference in my life too and I wanted to thank him for all the wonderful moments we shared. He will always be my inspiration. Thank you Panda for coming into my life. This love I shared with you will always be a part of me. Promise, I will find freedom, success and happiness too. I will be more than okay. You did it, so I can too.
Sending much love always from Cebu,
Ailyn
