I was chatting to my OH this morning about the effect that positive and negative people and influences and how they effect our lives and our relationships.
Source: https://pxhere.com/en/photo/1090162 (Creative Common's Licence)
Some time ago a 'friend' of mine was going through a really rough time. He lost his job, his home, his family and a lot of his friends because of some thing he allegedly did. The details don't matter however I decided to try and be a good friend to him, support him and to give him some practical help. He decided to start his own business and so I helped him with his website, gave him some marketing advice and was basically a shoulder to cry on. He was quite negative (which in the circumstances was hardly surprising).
About 18 months ago my marriage broke down and my 'friend' disappeared. I was 'de-friended' he would rarely return my messages and if I received a reply I had a one word answer. I was really surprised because I though that because all of the stuff he had been through he would have possibly been supportive of me in return.
I have no idea why this happened and it was quite upsetting at the time however I came to realised that may be it was better off that way. He was VERY negative I think that his life had become a bit of a pity party of one. There was no room for anyone else at the party so they were uninvited.
My OH was telling me about one of his staff members (let's call her Jill) who was meeting my OH's ex for coffee. When their relationship broke down she was very bitter, and still is. Gradually it appears that all the people who supported her have drifted away or she has 'unfriended' because they perhaps have become tired of the negativity which surrounds her. Even though Jill had been meeting her for coffee and trying to support her - my OH's ex had decided that she wasn't needed any more. Maybe Jill was too loyal to my OH and his ex didn't like that - or perhaps Jill was trying to get her to move on - and she didn't want to.
It reminds me of the book SUMO (Shut Up and Move On) which is about taking off the 'Victim' T-Shirt and well, moving on. I don't want to sound unsympathetic at all because I think there is a great deal to consider here such as Mental Wellbeing and that different people handle these life occurrences differently.
What I am reflecting on here is that by being negative the situation can become worse because you can push away your support network.
I have been on coaching courses which says that you should surround yourself with positive people and those you want to emulate. These people lift you up rather than dragging you down. When you have a tough time some people who you think are going to be therefore you aren't and some others surprisingly step up. Surrounding yourself with positivity is so important.
I think it feels a bit ruthless to cut off people that bring you down because actually in many ways they are the ones that need the support the most, however we also have to safeguard our own wellbeing.
Like the image says - positive and negative are the different sides of the same coin - a bit like a glass is half full or empty. It is hard if you are not a naturally positive person but there are so many things to be GLAD for. When things go wrong the other opportunities open up for you. Look forward not back - find that silver lining.
I am lucky to have some lovely supportive people in my life, some are people who I have known for a long time, some for only a matter of weeks. They make a huge difference in our lives and often they arrive when you most need them. Keep your eyes and your mind open!
Thank you to all of you, hopefully you know how much you are appreciated.
Until next time,
J x