Today, a colleague asked me: “How’s your weekend?”. At the back of my mind, I have so much to say but all I said was “It was good. We played bowling”. If I could say a little more I would say it was tiring but the kind of tiring that you wanted more and how you wish that the next day will be the same. It was better rather than good. The idea of sitting on my office chair from 8:30 AM – 6 PM everyday is exhausting me. When I wake up in the morning, I already feel demotivated. I would just wake up feeling heavy but still I take a bathe, choose some clothes that does not look good together, partially blow dry my hair, and eat whatever breakfast is served then catch the bus going to work. The next thing I know I am once again sitting on my office chair, checking e-mails that is not my concern at all. For the record, this is not the first time I feel about this in my work. I had three jobs after college and the longest employment I have ever been to is just one year. Sounds like no stability, right? They say, you must at least stay in your job for two years to earn enough experience and credential. Job hopping may put your career at risk because employers won’t hire people that are not fully “committed” to stay in the company for a long time. As you have read, I really don’t apply this to my career choice. When I feel like the job is not right for me, I quit. Well, I don’t just quit out of impulsive decision, but I do because I know that there is bigger fish out there for me. I have always believed that if I will stick to something that I am not happy with, I might be missing out the opportunity for me. I would always ask myself, “How can I find my true calling if I would just stick around this job? What if the opportunity is just there waiting to be found?”. I must be patient sailing to find the biggest and rarest fish in the ocean. I must not settle on anything that does not make my heart stop.
But no matter how strong and eager I am, I sometimes find myself stuck in a dead end. I feel like the world has forgotten me inside this empty room with nothing with me but myself and the only way out is to solve the riddle without any clue. It feels like I keep on running but it doesn’t take me anywhere. I got to a point where I am too clueless on what should I do with my life. All black and blank. Maybe, there is no big fish in the ocean. Perhaps, the ocean is not for everyone. I have thought the battle is over and I loss the fight. Maybe I should stop running and chasing something that I am not sure of and I got left behind by so many. I stumble to this question over and over, “Should I pursue finding my true calling or should I just settle to whoever I am today?”
Find my true calling. This is what I want to do. This is what my heart is saying, to never stop figuring out what life has to offer. To keep on sailing the ocean until I find my own treasure just like Magellan found the Pearl of the Orient Seas. To enjoy and savor the journey. Happiness does not revolve around success, but success revolves around happiness. Career status won’t define happiness. Materials things can’t give the happiness that lasts a lifetime. Instead, I will focus on things that makes me happy with or without these factors that how this world defines success. The wisdom that I am earning while taking this journey is my own treasure. Maybe, my true calling is different from those who are around me and might be taking different roads, but these are all going to be worth it. My success might not be in the race of career but rather in the race of life itself. A race where I have no one to compete with but myself. So, I will worry not and just always hold on unto God’s promises.
