Living our life can be simple, yet complicated. Actually, I'm not so sure whether it's simple or complicated, but I assume it could be either or both. For some, they think that simply living the life that they have is enough. They enjoy the simple things that goes on in their everyday life. They need not worry about anything because they are already satisfied of what they have. On the other hand, some people live a complicated life. They usually overthink and try to make their life more complicated than it seems. Though some of them tend to win against life and become successful, some of them also suffer more.
So, I often wonder... which is better?
I am a dreamer! Every time I pursue one, I tend to find another. Perhaps, I'm one of those people who live a complicated life. I'm never satisfied of what I have or what I have achieved. I tend to want more. Sometimes though, my dreams sway to another direction. Mostly because of my family.
Of course, they support me most of the time but there are just things that they can't support me with.
For example, when I finished my nursing degree I wanted to proceed to be a military nurse. My papa was okay with it, since he was from the military but my mom wasn't. She said it's dangerous and it doesn't suit me. She didn't even allow me to work in the hospital due to health reason and stuff. To be honest, I miss working in the hospital. It might be a tiring job, but I consider it a noble profession. Unfortunately, I have other reasons for not pursuing my nursing career... my family.
Being a nurse in the Philippines is financially awful.
I believe, there are a lot of dedicated nurses in the Philippines. They're willing to work hard and serve their patients. However, they are not well compensated. Some of them even receive below the minimum wage plus the deductions. This situation made me decide not to pursue it. I mean, how can I help and support my family with such a measly pay? So, I forgot nursing and found a job in the teaching industry.
Then, I fell in love with teaching!
From my own pocket, I studied again in order to get a diploma in teaching. I graduated and got that diploma and reviewed to get my license. Luckily, I passed and I got my teacher's license. This is actually enough for me to find a very stable job in the public high school. They're paid well compared to nurses and through that, I could continuously help and support my family.
However, my desire doesn't end there. I wanted to do something more!
Teaching in public schools or any institution will somehow imprison my free soul. I want to go out and discover more of the world outside my country. (It's funny how a shut-in like me desires this.) An opportunity opened and I grabbed it. I took up a certification program which will allow me to teach abroad, specifically my dream country... the land of the rising sun. I successfully finished and passed the program and got my certificate.
And now, here comes the next struggle...
Going there takes a lot, especially, financially. It's almost impossible for me to go there because in some way, we're only able to live from hand to mouth. It's quite a risk, but I really want to pursue this. When I'm able to finally achieve this specific dream, I want to pursue another. It's something that I can only do in that country (well, not really but I prefer doing it there) because it's where it came from.
I want to pursue arts in the form of manga and animation!
For now, it's still very dull and foggy but I'll eventually get there. One step at a time. I just don't know when to give up. Well, honestly there are times when I wanted to. Why? Because I constantly thought of others and that doing these things for myself is kind of selfish. hahaha~I don't know. But one thing is for sure...
I'll continue living amidst all these complications.