In this article, I am going to talk about a very common misconception about marriages between two people of different religion or faith. I have seen several cases of women filled with regret later on in the future concerning the fact that they married a Muslim man. They end saying to themselves. why did i marry him?, i should have listen to my mother or elder sister!, They warned me but i refused to listen, i should have married a man from my faith or religion.
There is an old saying that "Its hard to know what kindness is, when all you've known all your life is cruelty". Such definition registered in one's brain keeps him/her calm instead of feeling hurt, it makes one go on his/her normal day to day activities instead of crying, beating oneself up or laying in bed all day feeling sorry for oneself.
This is exactly what we are going to be discussing. What you should consider as a normal action by your Muslim husband, what you shouldn't consider as a betrayal from him, what should be registered in your head as a normal or to be expected thing in an average Muslim marriage. What you should consider as his right, impacted by his God or religion as a husband. It doesn't matter how much you love him or can't live without him. without accepting the facts about his religion, you will be unhappy in such marriage and end up filling for divorce. Most cases the husband files for the divorce.
Without much further ado, Lets take a look at the facts you should be ready to accept before saying "yes"
HE IS THE CAPTAIN OF THE SHIP
Islam has bestowed upon the husband complete superiority over his wife.She is to respect and obey him at all times, it doesn't matter if he is right or wrong. The boss is always right, He is the captain of the ship, and as such, you take orders from him as a crew member. he makes the decision regarding every affairs in his home. His word is yay and nay, its final. There cannot be two captains on a ship.
I say this because most Christian women regard marriages as partnership deal, a joint decision. Husband and wife sit down to agree to a certain decision regarding their marriage. So i strongly advise you to loose such perception or view in your head before marrying a Muslim. This is the default setting of every Muslim marriage or family. To go against this degree is an act of disobedience and sin before Allah. you will be regarded a bad example of a wife in a Muslim home. The only exception to this is if he gives your orders that goes against doctrines, laws and teachings of Islam. Then you're allowed to disobey.YOU MUST GET A PERMIT SLIP FROM THE KING BEFORE TAKING ACTION.
Apart from our basic motor skills or our every day to day activities( such as taking your bath, washing your clothes, brushing your teeth, cooking, cleaning, etc.), the wife must ask her Muslim husband for his permission before taking any decision on her own. such actions include buying a car, paying a friend or family relatives a visit, bringing in any of your family members to live in your husband house for sometime, bringing in any new belongings whether they are yours or not, taking a trip to a far distance, venturing into any business or entertaining a guest in his house whether male or female.
To go ahead and do such acts without the consent of the husband is considered an act of a bad wife and its liable to end in divorce. So please loose what your religion says about such aspect before walking down the aisle.
3.HE MIGHT HAVE A SEPARATE BEDROOM FROM YOURS.
Yes, most Islamic family settings usually have this kind of feature. Both parties have separate bedrooms and he is free to visit your room whenever he wants at night. There is no such thing as "our matrimonial bed where i and my husband sleep together every night". SO LOOSE IT!
In addition to this, most cases like this usually end with the Muslim husband having more than one wife. That would explains why he prefers to have his own separate bedroom. Do the math!.
4.HE IS ENTITLED TO HAVE UP TO 4 WIVES.
Every Muslim is entitled to have up to 4 wives. It's a right bestowed on them by Allah. It's not a sin or an act of infidelity or act of a cheating husband. It is totally normal OK. In a Christian marriage, a man is entitled to only one wife, And as such courting or marrying a second wife is wrong before God. Not to mention, Heartbreaking to the previous wife.
This is point where it starts to go all wrong in an inter-religious marriage, A Christian woman is raised with the notion that her man or husband is suppose to stick to her and her alone forever, no matter the condition. But reverse is the case in a marriage with a Muslim man. He is not destined to have only you as his wife. So before you jump into such marriage you must be ready to accept the fact that you will be sharing your man or husband with up to 4 women. And if he desires, you all we be living in the same house but separate bedrooms. You all must learn to live peacefully as one big happy family.
So if you are sure you can accept such a reality, then happy marriage life to you girl!. But if you now you can't bear the sight of sharing your husband with another women, I suggest you pick up the phone right now, and call off the engagement for the sake of your mental health please.
NOTE; Firstly, Not all Muslim men have the intention of having more than one wife. some of them feel they can't deal with more then one. So they end up marrying just one and some cases don't feel the need to have separate rooms.
Secondly, every marriage starts with courtship. So if you eventually find yourself married to a Muslim, you shouldn't feel betrayed, cheated or hurt if you later discover that he is seeing someone else outside your marriage. she could be a potential second wife.
5.YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO INHERIT HIS WEALTH.
This is another popular misconception among women in Christianity. Whether you are a Christian or a Muslim. you as his wife are not entitled to single dime in his asset or wealth after his death. Both parties sticks to what they have. The only people entitled to your husband's wealth is his biological children from both you as their mother and his other wives if any.
However, a good and financially stable Muslim husband should establish some kind of business for his wife provided he is capable, since they will not be inheriting each other. She should be compensated by such gestures for being the mother of his kids and for taking care of his household. But the fact is such gestures are completely optional or voluntary. He is not bound by Allah to do such.
Every wife to a Muslim husband should forget the popular quote "what belong to my husband is also mine". Such perception is not applicable to a Muslim household. Only his children have the right to say that. SO YOU EITHER GET DOWN OR STAY DOWN(You know what i mean)
CONCLUSION
I understand how difficult it can be for you to break up with the one you have accumulated so much love for. Have spent countless times together. He has become second nature to you, you feel so attached to him already and can't imagine your life without him. but the truth most be told no matter how bitter. If you cannot accept all five of the above mentioned facts, you would do your self a great deal of good to call it off.
I will be honest with you, Its not going to be easy at all. But just be strong and give it time. For time they say heals all wounds.
HAVE A NICE DAY!
