I know I should be putting up an update post on the just concluded steemgigs discord talk show with steemit's sweetheart 
OK. Like 2hours into the show, something happened. I had just finished cooking (with my earpiece in my ears and my phone in my knicker's back pocket all through the time, because I couldn't miss a second, Hahaha..), and was just about to get settled to digest the show in full measure, when I caught myself engaging in an act I had given up on years ago. It was a habit I was dispirited about and it took a lengthy time of hard work and discipline to overcome. Here I was three years later, realizing few seconds after it happened, that it came visiting, and I had made it a room before having the time to think.
I was grieved for a few seconds (because, like some know already, I'm sort of a spiritual freak, though not in the "too religiously prim and proper" way, lol..), but soon enough, a miracle happened.
I had overcome, but it flashed back so I could stay reminded, that it takes more than just dropping a paper from the sky, for it to stay dropped, and it only takes one crack in the right place, for a whole building to be rendered unlivable.
I may have lost interest in that habit, but it had not lost interest in me. Even though it stopped occurring, I should not have forgotten, I should have used the memory to build me a defense, I should have accepted that it mined me into this human I'm so proud of now, and though so minute, it completed the circle. It taught me sensitivity, discipline, longing for something better, never giving up on breakthrough. Yes it was bad, but it was coloured so only so I can achieve goodness. I should be proud of the victory, and accord it necessary accolades, I should be able to smile and not frown, when thinking of it. That's true Victory!
Thinking of them bad things this way help me realize that they're all necessary evil, part of the plan, missing puzzles. I've learnt to be more positive minded when dealing with evil, than negative, now phrases like "you can't defeat evil with evil" begin to make more sense.
A janitor understands this better. He never misses any detail, he keeps coming back to observe, acts as soon as needed. Above all, he appreciates dirt, because it is on that foundation his purpose is built.
I also processed phrases like: creating valid illusions, digging up yourself. Others include: janitor-janitor Vs steemit-janitor, dirt is good-ask the soap master, Dirt Is Good (DIG- don't be scared to soil your hands in search of that light, it's what will write/rewrite your history-my explanation though), Dig X Dig X Dig = Diggist, etc. I have many meanings for each of these phrases (I have to try catch up with my mind these days, lol..), and sometimes I'm worried I have too much to do with them and too little capacity (I sometimes get scared of the responsibility that comes with expressing these, as I'm not sure I can write it the way I should, so it can make sense).
Need I say it was special for me then? Shout-out to steemgigers who were present that might see this, I adore you guys in ways you can't imagine.
I like to keep writings like this offline for some reason(s), but I'm still learning to come out of the box. I don't know if anyone else thinks this though, but sometimes I wish ulog had a 'Hide Post' button, hahahahaha.. Just kidding (maybe).
#withsteemfromwakky