When I was in the middle of my dark days, I did not see my behaviours as being violent or abusive. In fact, I felt normal and everyone else was the ass hole. Easy to blame others but much more difficult to look in the mirror and take full responsibility for my life, actions and behaviours.
When I went through my transition where I spent months consciously evaluating my thoughts, actions, words, behaviours and all my relationships, I quickly started to see just how abusive and violent I really was. Even to this day, when ever I increase my conscious awareness, I find my old behaviours to be in conflict with the new awareness that I discover about myself.
It is this point where I have to then forgive myself, integrate the new awareness, modify my behaviours yet again and move forward with the new paradigm that I just discovered. I do this over and over and over again. It seems like the process never ends.
If I was to look back and evaluate myself based on today's awareness, I could easily judge that young man as being a thug, ass whole, jerk and whole rift of other names. Is that fair to do? Probably not. I did the best I could with the knowledge and awareness I had at the time. Yes, I was abusive and violent. I will acknowledge that freely. But I'm not going to start tearing that young man apart and being abusive towards him. Instead I will work hard to forgive him.
The same goes for my ancestors. They did the best they could with the conscious awareness they had at the time. To apply today's standards to them is completely unfair as well. I acknowledge that my ancestors were involved in the colonization of this land. I know they had contact with the nehiyawin people of this area as my grandfather and great grandfather both spoke the language fluently. What my conscious awareness tells me is that now is the time to fix those relationships and end the violence. I am confronted yet again with the choice to change my behaviour now that I'm consciously aware of the violence and abuse of the past.
How do I do that? Decolonize and share the story!
I acknowledge that this land is not mine and yet my vessel belongs to it completely. The land belongs to creator and was stewarded by the nehiyawin people for thousands of years. Their standards are high when it comes to how the land is to be treated as it is sacred. As stewards, we are not only responsible for the people here today, but we must also ensure that the land, air, water and resources are plentiful for at least seven generations. The challenge is that many nehiyawin have been colonized and are engaged in colonization practices of the colonizer, just as what happened to my ancestors. Finding nehiyawin people who have not been colonized is tough. Just as I must decolonize, so too must they. The good news is that some of them still remember some of the stories!
While my ancestors were colonized by Roman and Egyptian armies, my nehiyawin brothers and sisters were colonized by the participation of my colonized ancestors and their armies. I cannot change that fact as it is already written in the past. But I do have a choice, to continue to write this story as it is not finished yet. The colonizers had the power to write the stories but that power is now gone. Each and every single one of us now has a voice to tell our story and we do it here every day.
I now know that the violence and abuse of the past due to lower levels of conscious awareness, resulted in a violation of spirit. I work hard to end that behaviour and forgive myself and my ancestors as I move forward. I want to remember those times to remind me of those important lessons as they guide me through the work I do now.
As I move forward it is important to acknowledge those lessons, recognize the importance of the past and heal it through living life with a much higher level of conscious awareness. By sharing the stories of my decolonization process, moving off grid and working hard to UNGRIP, the story will continue as I document the transition. It also starts to heal my relationships with my brothers and sisters as their spirit resonates with mine. That provides a deeper connection and draws like minded individuals together to start rebuilding the tribes that were lost through the colonization process.
I know that several generations from now, people will look back at these days and wonder what life was like as their awareness will most likely be very different than ours. It is our job to tell these stories so that future generations remember the lessons we learned as we decolonize. Especially to remember why we are decolonizing through this period in history. We do that through leading by example, sharing our stories and influence others to contemplate peace, freedom, tolerance, respect, honour, integrity, understanding, patience, prosperity and love.
We have a long way to go, but the tribes of the world are being called together to get this work done. Spirit has changed the rules and asserted it's power and authority over violence and genocide. It is time to end the separation and start working to rebuild the tribes of the world. To do that requires that we first work on healing ourselves so that we can have the conscious awareness necessary to be in a healthy tribe.
The Tawatinaw Initiative on Peace and Independence is a group of local leaders dedicated to helping each individual heal so that they can then go into their communities to spread that healing in order to re-build the tribes that were destroyed through colonization. Our first retreat 'Decolonizing Our Lives - Spiritual Stewardship Circle' is designed to bring all our stories together, acknowledge the past and then write the story for how we will move forward as brothers and sisters. The women and men will be separate for the first half of the retreat so that specific stories and healing can take place. Then we will bring the two groups together in ceremony, honour and mutual respect as we bridge the gap between all the tribes that live on this land. We will create new ceremonies to help people decolonize and reconnect with a peaceful, spiritual way of life on Mother Earth. I hope you can join us as we write new stories together!
Click here for more information on how to join The Virtue Circle
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