Is there nothing good left in me?
"Life is a chance to search to discover and to solve and to start another search to discover another solution to search better ...until death takes the mind"
- Martin H. Fischer
I woke up feeling a little depressed this morning. I have no idea but I woke up that way. I think the best way To describe that is with the song "woke the fck up"* by Jon Bellion.
I woke up with a recap of all my failures and disappointments in life and I wondered whether this is all I am left with in this sojourn upon planet earth.
Well, I decided to make this entry for 
Who then are you ?
"Curiosity is the lust of the mind"
- Thomas Hobbes
Who I am is not really the first answer when you give me that question. It is the answer I give myself when I am alone. The things I continually tell myself after having regard to the things I've done.
Who I am is not in my times of plenty. When I am rich and I have all. Who I really am is in times of nothing, when everything crumbles and falls. When I'm left with nothing and I question the futility of life.
Who I am is not in the midst of friends and jocund company. Who pat your back and contort their faces when you're not looking. It's who I am in the midst of enemies that put me to dare and make me stand on my toes.
Who I am is not in the arms of my soul mate. But when I meet the girl whose heart I broke 10 years later with her little son smiling up at me. I well tell him "you have your mothers eyes "
Who I am is not when I go visiting a friend but when I'm home, when I'm off my guard and there's nobody to tell me what to do.
Who I am is not when I succeed and make huge successes but when I fail and fail and fail again
So who am I?
I am the broken man who broke another person's heart a few too many times .
I am the boy who failed in the test.
I am the broken youth seeking for a non existent nebulous future.
I suck at love.
I believe in God but I disappoint him more times than I can count.
I am the 2 year old boy who was left by his father in search of a better life...
I give most times to satisfy my need of feeling good and not because I am good.
I have developed bad habits. I hardly even look after my health these days. I don't eat right, i sleep late, you can complete this list yourself
I am the black sheep in the midst of a white crowd.
I am the unhappy face in the midst of the happy company.
I am the broken poet in the stage of the happy audience ...
On a second thought
"It is only when I accept my bullshit that I can change"
Then I think again
I should be grateful for life. I ought to count my blessings.
I should be happy that more than half of what I have in life I never deserved it.
I should be Happy that I have a great Mum who is always looking out for me.
I have found love in the strangest of places
That I have friends who are looking up To me and some who I'm looking up.
Friends who have my back all the time
I should be grateful I even "woke the fck up"*. A lot of people passed on this morning.
I guess this is a small part of who I really am "a Broken, thankful man "
Thanks for the read . Check out my previous post YOUR PAIN : A CURE