I know what many of you meat eaters are probably thinking right about now. Oh great, another self-righteous vegan who’s eager to tell me how they’re better than me! Am I right? Well, rest assured that’s not the case here. After all, I used to be a proud meat eater myself for many years and I always keep that in the back of my mind. During that time, I swore up and down that I’d never give up my juicy steak, In-N-Out double-double cheeseburger, carne asada tacos, or - God forbid - my beloved cioppino! I loved meat so much that I’d often joke about eating human flesh if it was seasoned right… alianely raised, of course!
I was basically a slave to my tastebuds is what I’m trying to tell you. Also, I dreaded eating vegetables so the thought of going vegan just seemed very far-fetched to me. So what the hell happened that convinced me to change? Well, simply put, my conscience came knocking at my door repeatedly like a tenacious Jehovah’s Witness that just wouldn’t go away. I stubbornly tried to ignore it for as long as I could until the day came when I could no longer do so.
Here’s how it happened:
It started in early to mid 2014, during a critical period in my life which involved intense emotional and physical healing, introspection, and spiritual transformation. I had an overwhelming desire to attain higher levels of consciousness and to become the greatest version I could conceive of myself. To that end, I immersed myself into esoteric studies and metaphysics, reading texts like The Kybalion and The Emerald Tablets of Thoth, and I kept a daily dream journal to help me tap into my subconscious mind more deeply.
It was also during this time that I stumbled across Ralph Smart’s YouTube channel Infinite Waters (Diving Deep) while I was searching for videos on the pineal gland, and his video came up as the top result: How to Decalcify Your Pineal Gland, The Science of The Pineal Gland and Third Eye Activation. His first piece of advice was to eliminate all animal products from one's diet and to focus on whole plant-based foods as they help to raise your vibration, while animal products do the exact opposite as you're consuming the pain and suffering the animals endured until their moment of death. An interesting idea, I thought, but I wasn't quite ready to make that leap so I decided to file it in the back of my brain for later use.
Over the proceeding weeks and months, things started to get weird. It was as though my subconscious mind was nudging me to cut back on my meat intake as soon as possible, which I knew needed to be done but I kept putting it off. My meat & dairy eating habits were extremely hard to break, even when I saw signs of my body rejecting them. It started with minor stomach aches and headaches at first and then over time I began to feel tightness in my chest (no good). As if that wasn't bad enough, something even more crazy happened after that which took me by total surprise.
My best friend and I were eating at our favorite taco joint in LA one night, as we had done countless times before. This place was like a sanctuary to us as we'd often go there to confess our secrets, have some laughs, and just enjoy some kickass conversation whilst devouring our delicious carne asada & fish tacos. Anyway, shortly after we wrapped up our meal and started heading back home I began to panic. I could not for the life of me understand what was going on. All I knew is that I was gripped with fear and felt an overwhelming urge to get out of the car and hide. I took several deep breaths and did my best to calm down. You're gonna be all right, Tanisha. You're gonna be all right. It'll pass. After about 5 minutes or so, it finally did.
Dafuq??
I was completely baffled. Never in my life had I experienced a panic attack like that out of the blue. There was no reasonable explanation I could come up with so I just let it go, thinking that it was a one time deal. I was wrong. It happened AGAIN, about a week later at the same taco joint! Do I really have to give up my tacos??
:( :( :( :( :(
Ralph Smart's words were echoing in my head, and for the first time, I was beginning to understand what he was talking about. I needed to change... everything inside me was screaming for it. Yet I still resisted. (Are you beginning to see a pattern here?)
...and then it happened, the dream that shook me to the core with a heavy dose of truth.
It happened on the night of July 23rd, 2014, after I had just come back from a camping trip in the Eastern Sierra with a group of friends. I brought back a single token from this trip which was a big triangular piece of black obsidian that I had found at a crater site and that was just begging me to pick up and take home with me. I placed it just a few feet away from my bed, and dozed off. By the time I woke up the following morning, I was not the same person. I immediately recorded every single detail I could recall into my dream journal.
I was walking through a slum and saw all these destitute people living in small & rusty boxlike shipping containers that stretched out over many acres of barren land. Someone was walking beside me, guiding me to the box container that was to become my new home. I stepped inside, set down a few of my belongings and went back outside and wandered about the squalor, trying to figure out how things operated around there. I saw a jet flying low over me which I instinctively knew was part of the mail delivery system of this place.
A little while later I return to my box container only to find a group of people gathered there, and a woman standing before them with a rusty cage filled with black kittens beside her. She was about to give a demonstration on how to kill and prepare the kittens for a meal. I was absolutely horrified! When it came time for us to prepare, I saw her pull out one of the kittens from the cage and hold it in one hand while carrying a large iron skillet in the other as she was about to bash its skull in with it. I immediately turned away as I couldn't bear to watch but my ears could not shield me from the dreadful thunk of the skillet bashing into this poor kitten’s skull, twice, and the shrieks of agony that ensued.
As soon as she was finished she then turned to me and beckoned me to take my turn. “I can’t do it!” I told her. She tilted her head slightly while smiling at me and replied “of course you can do it. It’s very easy to do,” “No, you don’t understand! I love cats! I have two of them back home and they’re my babies! I could NEVER kill one of them!” She tried to console me by stating that she was a cat lover, too, but she learned how to cut off all her emotions while engaging in this act as it was a quick and humane way to go about it. This is absolutely fucking nuts, I thought to myself. There’s just no fucking way I’m going to kill a kitten by bashing a fucking skillet into its skull, I don’t care how brief and “humane” it appears to us! That little creature was terrified for its life and it was clearly in pain. I simply could not go through with it, despite the nonchalant attitude from the rest of the group. I stood up and walked away.
I walked to a nearby store, hoping to find something I could eat but the only things available were meat products and junk food. Exasperated, I walked out of the store and fell to the ground of the parking lot, crying. A friend (from real life) passes by and sees me in tears. "What's wrong?" she asked. I proceeded to tell her everything that I had witnessed. "All this time I’ve been eating meat, without giving so much as a second thought to the sheer hypocrisy of it. It’s like, what the hell? I could eat a cow but not a cat simply because one is my pet and the other one isn’t? It’s not right!" I told her. She nodded with understanding and asked me, “well, what are you going to eat?” as she knew I was very hungry and there weren’t any good options around. “I don’t know but I’ll figure it out,” I replied, as I glanced across the street only to see vending machines and fast food chains.
Flash forward, I was then standing in my boss’ office. I picked up a bag of bread he had sitting on his desk. As I was pulling out two slices from the bag a co-worker walked by and saw me, and told me I should wait until our boss shows up first and ask for permission to eat his bread.
The dream ended shortly thereafter.
This was me.
Now here’s an intriguing bit of information I read about black obsidian in The Crystal Bible after the powerful dream I described above:
“Black obsidian forces facing up to one’s true self, taking you deep into the subconscious mind in the process. It brings imbalances and shadow qualities to the surface for release, highlighting hidden factors. It magnifies all negative energies so that they can be fully experienced and released … placing obsidian by the bed or under the pillow can draw out mental stress and tension, and it may have a calming effect, but it can also bring up the reasons for that stress. The reasons then have to be confronted before peace can return; this resolves the problem permanently rather than having a palliative effect.”
OK! I GET IT!!! My subconscious mind is obviously telling me to get my ass in gear!
This whole thing sounds freakish, I know, but how could I possibly downplay it? With all the signs and warnings I'd been receiving over the previous months, this one was far too blatant to be mere coincidence. This dream left me with no choice but to confront the unsettling fact that my actions were inconsistent with my values, and that stepping into this new awareness was essential to my growth as a human being.
To be perfectly honest, I was totally creeped out by this experience, and I couldn't touch meat for the rest of that week. Shamefully, though, I caved in to my addiction and once again there was meat on my plate. It wasn't until about two months later that I finally found the will to let it go... and more.
