For me, life, is a big blur.
I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder roughly 7 years ago. Before that, I was misdiagnosed schizophrenia, bipolar, even short term memory loss in high school. But basically, for my entire 20's, I've known that my brain doesn't work the same as most everyone else's, and that's been an ever increasingly difficult thing to come to terms with as I've grown older.
I can gain a unique perspective when I reflect on my life. Akin to some kind of super hero, I've always been outspoken about the things I believe in, and it's this that gets me in trouble now more than anything. I like to look at myself as someone to believe in though. Someone who wants very desperately to find beauty strictly in the truth, to just admire the world as it is. To me it is worth the effort to distinguish the beauty of a fact, versus the lust of a fallacy. I feel the more effort we put toward knowing our reality, the less effort it costs us to appreciate it.
I grew up in a strange world with a lesbian mom who suffers from bipolar 1 and a homeless dad. I remember my mom as very cold when I was younger, always playing on her computer, chained to AOL chat rooms, of course drawn to the attention the new internet garnished for her. We bounced around from place to place, year after year, and eventually I learned to look forward to the sudden uprooting of my life. Like a fresh start I'd be the new kid again, make new friends, more friends, until the next year usually.
My dad is the epitome of a starving artist. He's never had enough to support himself and chases his dreams as if it's all that matters, I'll always admire that about him, but it hurts to watch over the years. His art is beautiful and to me it's just one of those things that have never made sense as to why he's dealt this particular hand of cards. It's hard not to look at all this and think the world is still a good place I guess. However, if I didn't have this perspective I might not feel so inclined to want to change it so much.
2017 is turning out to be a landmark year for me. It's bitter sweet though. I'm actively working on myself to better my life and so far I've been fired for the first time ever, dumped for the first time ever, and I've made more money in one month than any month in my life, and still I landed in a hospital for a few days... It's funny how our environment can affect us in such ways to influence our actions and opinions, I hate that my disorder gets blamed for my sudden change in charachter though. Can't someone just change for the better and be done with an old version of them?
I believe people are innately good, just misled. I love the world, but I think money and the way it's been is one of the major problems with the disconnection so many people feel. As if it were the most important thing about us, it keeps people separate. I think bitcoin, steemit, ethereum, all these great new platforms coming out will effect the world in some of the best ways imaginable. When I learned about bitcoin, I learned about money in a whole new way. Learning new concepts that I didn't care to understand about value and how economies worked, I began to soak up like a sponge until my head burst lol.
That's all for now, thanks for reading.