Most Stories On Domestic Violence Centre On Women As The Victims.
A few days ago a story went viral, a former Zenith Bank staff that broke his estranged wife’s leg with an iron rod. And, one may want to ask, what could she have done to warrant such a wicked act?
Anyway, let me first focuse on this dreadful act from the women’s angle.
Are women really the cause of domestic violence? Don’t be too fast to judge as we hear from the following women. Mrs. Nwamma here in Nigeria, an Executive Secretary gave a detailed account on what she suffered in hands of her husband. Having been married for over four years and in search for a baby: “My estranged husband looked for every opportunity to embarrass me. It was like he had a low self esteem and looked for ways to shut me up. He embarrassed me everywhere, In church, at home and in presence of visitors. If I tried to defend myself he responded with a slap, a blow, a kick. And that was how the beating started. I returned from work everyday with this fear not knowing if he was going to pick up a fight that day. Let me just name three incidents.
There was a day he beat me up, my towel loosened and I was naked in front of his friend. I mean stark naked. I just got out from the bathroom and he was trying to get an information from me about something. I walked into bedroom and before I could answer he charged at me, shouting are you not the one I am talking to and he started hitting me. He then dragged me out of the bedroom naked. His friend who was then living with us tried to calm him down to no avail.
What about the day he beat me up because I served his elder brother one piece of meat. That was the last meal remaining. I just got back from work tired. I microwaved it and served him so I could fix something else for both of us. He got angry and did not even allow me to explain before he started hitting me. The last straw was one he and his elder brother beat me up. I know you are surprised. People find it difficult to believe when I say it but it is true. He started beating me first then his brother joined in slapping me and asking me to shut up after all I was barren. I was admitted in the hospital for 5 days. I collapsed on my way to work the following day and was taken to the hospital. Both families tried all they could to settle these issues time and again. It appears they have given up. Do you know he tells lies like there’s no tomorrow .This is someone that is so pretentious, calm on the outside. You would not believe he can hurt a fly but at home he is a lion. Fortunately for me, he woke up one day and said he was tired of the marriage. That was two years ago and that was how Five years of suffering ended. Now I am free and happy again.
The images above are the pictures gotten from the Victims!
Another victim narrate, thus: Mrs Salome, a Banker says she will never forget the trauma of Domestic Violence she has experienced. “As a young lady preparing my wedding in 2015, I was so excited and you know in all the preparations there would be tension between the couple which if not properly managed could get out of hand. That was what happened in our case. It led to my husband who was then my fiancé hitting me. This was the second time he was beating me up. I was worried and I mentioned it to my family. This was just a few weeks to the marriage. My family advised me to reconsider it, if I really wanted to go ahead with him or not. My elder sister was very upset and warned me against going ahead with the marriage. She encouraged me to be patient, saying I was still very young and could meet someone who would treat me with love and respect. She has been married for the past eight years and her husband has never hit her. So she would not allow me to go through that road. I thanked them for their concern but insisted I wanted to go ahead with the marriage.
A decision I have come to constantly regret. A few months after marriage and expecting my first child my husband unleashed the demon in him and started beating me up for any minor disagreement even with my pregnancy. I tried to hide it from my family. But when I could not take it anymore I had to open up to them after he beat me up 3 months after having my baby. I found out when I returned home that he had been cheating on me. And I confronted him with evidence from his phone. He attacked me and beat me to stupor. He even ceased my phones and documents. Look at my legs, my neck, all these marks I received from a man I called my husband. My mum came and they tried settling the whole issue.
I was ready to leave the marriage. No amount of pleading from him was going to stop me. But with the intervention of his family, my family and I had to give it a second chance. It’s over four months now. He appears to have changed. He no longer raises his voice at me and has not hit me but I am traumatized. Any trace of violence again, I am off. Nothing will stop me. I still regret not taking my sister’s advice. Do you know she has kept mute all this while. I am wiser now. A friend of mine living in the UK advised me that when next he hits me I should get an object and break his head when he is asleep, pick up my child and travel out. Not that I will do it but what he does not know is that I am now different from the innocent young girl he married.
What can I say?
Way Forward For MEN: ___
It is totally UNACCEPTABLE for a man to hit a woman no matter her offense. What happens to you talking a walk? You are free to leave her if truly she is the cause of the problems (which truly some women are, ‘‘BUT JUDGING ANYWAY’’) but hitting her is not the right thing to do. Only weak men hit women. A strong man understands what it means to walk out of provocations but a weak man will attack. Why even beat up someone that can’t match your strength. Since you think you are very strong, why not try out your strength with fellow men like you. That way we can ascertain how strong you are.
As for the Ex Zenith Banker that broke his wife’s leg, according to the victim’s lawyer, Charles Onwudiwe, the case has now been taken up by the Osun State Government with the charge upgraded from the initial grievous bodily harm to attempted murder. We hope that justice will be done and that it will serve as a deterrent to other men. Also Olayimi’s husband faces the law too. Men will start to have a rethink and manage their temper when they know what will befall them if they abuse their spouses.
Way Forward For Women.
Research has shown that more than 80% of women in abusive marriage knew about such tendencies by their men. More often than not their partners must have hit them before marriage. The part I don’t understand is why do such women cries foul when the beatings continue in marriage? Where are you expecting him to change all of a sudden? How? We may sound harsh here but it is the bitter truth.
Conclusively,
Today’s Woman always advises women to watch out for tell- tale signs while dating. If he is hitting you during courtship, he may likely not change. It actually gets worse. It is a pity some women have lost every iota of self respect and self esteem. They are so desperate to get married that they take anything from anyone just to be called Mrs. somebody. No. You deserve better treatment. There is man out there that is ready to love and treat you with respect. Why not exercise patience than go through the trauma of domestic violence? You are living in bondage, not marriage.
Some women will tell you that they are managing the situation because of their kids, forgetting that they will only end up raising abusive children too. Who will take after their father. Your male child will grow up believing that’s how to treat a woman and your female child will grow up believing it is a norm. She needs to be beaten if she misbehaves.
There is this story of the young boy who stabbed his father to death when he met the naked mother on floor being beaten by the father. Is that the life you want for your kids? A word is enough for the wise. Whatever the case, please choose life that you may live according to the scriptures. You can enjoy your marriage, some women are enjoying theirs. Why not be a part of that few.
Have a blessed week.
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Love you all!!