I'd never thought I would need this but now I realise how valuable confidentiality can be.
I'm in a very difficult situation right now which I always thought I could solve myself but now I realize I was not being honest with myself. You see I had become very ill even when I was a small boy and I just realized that my mother couldn't cope with that. She probably didn't know how to help me and then she started attacking me. I'm not sure if I was too dependent on her but I think I was. However what I didn't realize is why: she is a master at convincing people. And I think she convinced me she knew everything. She convince me to look for the problem in myself, which I did for many many years. But like I said the problem really wasn't in me but was caused by outside forces which made me really unhappy.
You see we are all subjected to very harmful and toxic things during our childhood. It's that we are children that we can bear so much. When I saw my own kids for the first time I realized they are like blank slates and full of love. How blessed we are to have children! For they are truly angels. How bad it must be to be a parent and see your child digress say into autism or becoming aggressive because it is being harmed.
We don't see the harm because it is delivered through innocent looking methods which is supposed to help you overcome disease, build immunity, have healthy teeth. It might come as a shock but I'm talking about vaccines, fluoride and allopathic medicine.
For me truth is of the utmost importance. Only when you know what is true you can act in the best manner possible. That's why I try to be as objective as possible. I wasn't always like that however. I liked to protect my mom from harm when she was hurt. She too had to be a fighter. But sadly now I think she and my dad shouldn't have had children. They are not capable to really care for us.
You see I'm not alone, my younger brother who has multiple sclerosis never was as sick as me when he was a child. Yet my feeling is that he was preffered just because of that: less trouble. He also doesn't have the clear vision in seeing the truth as I have. I am just like my mother very intelligent and gifted with a sensitivity that greatly enhances my intuition and things like emphaty.
I could always know what people were feeling when I was small. Now I tend to find that to be overwhelming. I don't want to know secrets of other people but I cannot help but see. Not always and with everyone however. Like I said my mum is an expert at convincing anyone that what he or she things is not true and that in fact what she is saying is true. Horrible.
She will go on with talking and manipulating you until you are a zombie I guess and loose your own will. What's worse is if you try to say something on the contrary she will viciously attack you according to how important it is for her to deceive you, like covering up a lie. She will not stop at revealing secrets to the public or people witnessing, humiliating you, using whatever you had trust to her to be secret. Your insecurity or worries, whatever it is, when time comes it will be used against you. But then it is already too late and you have fallen into her trap.
While I am writing this I'm trying to simultaneously trying to uncover what was hidden, how this manipulation works and slowly getting into the reason why she has to do this? Why do this against her own son who once stood by her side, bravely defending her without knowing the real truth.
Even when she has coached people for years and helping them I'm still amazed at the lack of feeling or guilt she has. How is that possible? Doesn't she have any consciousness? In that regard she is even worse than my dad who is really depended on her and likes not to have any responsibility so that he might not be attacked? Of course he does a lot wrong and is attacked a lot by my mother, still she stayed with him even when he had a woman he claimed he loved in her own bed when she was away, living in her second house.
As I am writing this I see how this must have been terribly humiliating to her and yet I don't get why she didn't choose to be happy. Maybe she is rather in a position of power that she can control the situation than being happy. Incredible!
I'm getting worried this post might get rather long but I'll try to make a solid conclusion which can help me. Like I said I never did write so openly about myself and my life but I feel it is very helpful!
So to get back the trouble I am in now: by being ill from childhood because of food intolerance like gluten and lactose and what not, by not recognising that because my parents wouldn't talk about their problems which they have too with food. And by having had vaccine damage which made me have to go to special education. Even when I was very smart I had certain problem which made me forget say numbers I was adding. I later remedied this by doing a heavy metal detox which had amazing results. (Mind you there was thiomersal in vaccines which is now banned except for the flu shot).
The second thing which literally broke my back was fluoride. As a young kid being 5-6 I can remember eating fluoride tablets because they were sweet. Ingesting fluoride can be very bad for your health because it is very very toxic. And it's nonsense to use it at all frankly but that' a topic for a different day. However this made all my joints crappy and my spine crooked from when I was 11 years old. Also by lacking maybe vitamine D during the winter has made my health rather poor.
Now I know there is amazing stuff which can heal my physically, like PEMF which has been studied on healing broken bones, C60, enzymes, amazing food / diets. But I think it is rather good to realize I can heal emotionally too and maybe there is still a link which can help with the physical aspect too. And I'm sure spiritually!
The problem I am in is that because of lies by my mother, and father who didn't do anything but who might not know all the details I am in a very bad situation: I have nowhere to live. My mom owns three(!) places where she can live,
a flat I live in but is toxic to me because of cell towers being nearly in front of the windows. I have to sleep and live in the kitchen.
Her house where she lives with my dad
A small cottage where she used to live all by herself during the spring/summer while it was warm enough.
Now I wanted to buy this flat which belonged to her mother but I became ill from the cell towers (amazing luck I have really) which I wasn't aware of causing my chronic fatigue and burn-out. So I couldn't work and thus I couldn't buy it. Which was very unfortunate.
I had a deal that with my mother that we would sell the flat and split the profit in two, 50-50. Unfortunately the contract states that if you don't pay the whole amount you cannot rent it. And you may not sell it to a 3rd party until 5 years pass.
Now by carefully studying the contract I knew we couldn't rent the flat and secretly sell the rights or get some advance from the future buyer who would be 'just renting' but in reality he would own it or the rights to buy it for a certain price. Like it could very well be even possible to sell the flat for $1 but we could have the money now and use it to heal myself and my brother, who is very dear to me and deserves it too!
Yes, my mother didn't offer him anything! Can you believe it? Allthough he has a rather nice house to live in, it's only rent and he has to work allthough he has MS and is very tired, all of which could be taken care of just by investing in the right supplements, PEMF, C60. I know how but I just don't have the money.
But my parents have! Yesterday I had a fall out when she changed her mind and admitted she doesn't want to trade the flat for another flat which would be close to my young daughters which my exwife owns. Heck I would even rent it! Just to have a place where I can be with my kids, in a safe space which I could call my own.
So my parents have to money to pay the whole flat which is now useless to me and very dangerous to anyone's health, living there long enough that is. So we could pay it all of, or have someone rent it and pay the rest so that we all would be contractually in the clear. All parties would benefit, maybe excluding the buyer because the cell tower are a health hazard in my opinion. It's however just below the threshold which is too high anyway. (But you can have protection on the windows and I was living and working there for a couple of years without problems when there still metal blinds). So I think anyone with good health, energy to either tackle the wireless carrier or installing protection could love it there. The place always was very nice, with a nice view and it has great value in the market.
Incredible to find out that it seems that it's just that my parents are afraid to give up their comfort to help us become healthy and productive! I know I can do a lot with my knowledge which I have not only gained through this hardship but also because I've always had some pretty damn amazing ideas!
And with the help of all this knowledge I can truly see who I really am and what I'm capable of. I helped my brother tremendously by just emailing Terry Wahls' TED talk to my dad who then forwarded it to him. He started doing this diet / protocol which I later adopted too and which has helped me tremendously!
But all I can think of is why did this happen to me? Why is there such evil in the world and why are both our parents so fucked messed up - excuse the language. Why were we born there with them? I mean I've read a lot about narcism which definitely fits the description and that has helped me tremendously too. I have even done past-lives therapy where it came out that I had abused my mother by no paying her (she was a whore). And from later sessions with another guy who was much better at this I felt that there was horrible things in this past life or lives: pedophilia which felt I was both the perpetrator and the victim because I could feel being the child but also the adult and it was really a terrible and strange memory.
However I'm cool with all that! When I can do something good, I will! I have every intention to solve this puzzle or make up for what I might have done wrong or whatever. I don't care, I just want to make it right and continue with my life, by happy and foremost: take care of my daughters because even they have to needlessly suffer from worse health because they are eating crap and I think my youngest has also had some vaccine damage.
I can and want to heal this family but I'm not sure if that is possible without violence or loss. For what it's worth both my mother and exwife have something in common: not willing to admit that they are wrong. Which is fine, they can live their own lives, but I don't want it to affect me or my children. That's the limit right there. I could take them away or do something drastic - and I will but I'm trying to keep this as the last choice. I don't want to cause unnecessary harm, I don't believe in violence but when someone is threatening your life and livelyhood then something needs to be done and quick! Before even more damage is done.
Yes you can easily ruin someone's life, like believing in the vaccine lie and putting toxic metals like mercury or aluminium into your baby by injection. You can drink fluoride in your water and become sick without knowing and causing harm to others by being upset about your ill health, or feeling stupid because yes, fluoride lowers your IQ. All these thigns, bad food, bad medicine can and will cause harm not only to yourself but also others which you will afflict on them by being depressed, angry and corrupted.
What a loss of life! What evil this is! What if I quietly end this by getting rid of such people? Is that still voilence? Will I be corrupting myself, my soul? Or do the ends justify the means? Please I want to do the right thing. Please let that knowledge of what is right come to me now, please.
Voiceshares apologises from the bottom of the heart for the delay in posting this, I was myself going through few crisis here and now back up. It was a touching story, I am sorry again for the delay.
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