In the last chapter, we have established that God leads fundamentally by teaching us how to find. What is our responsibility is to know what his word says concerning that, trusting him to work in us, ordering our steps to where we are to be eventually through our decisions anchored on his word.
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How Do We Find?
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- BE FULLY SINGLE
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We have emphasised the need to be complete in ourselves before looking for another. There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. To be fully single includes, but not limited to the following;
- to be spiritually mature
- to be mentally mature
- to be financially intelligent
- walking in one's purpose already
- to develop interests and also exercise your mind and your body
- to manage one's sexual appetite
- cultivate the right relationships
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BE OPEN
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In order to avoid critisms and judgements that comes with being us, a lot of us put up the fake versions of ourselves for the public to see. The danger of this is, we become this person that we think people will like, to the point that we end up loosing touch of our true selves and loose those who are truly for us.
One thing we must understand is that, being you comes with its critisms and appraisal at the same time. You can't be one-fit-all to everyone.
It is in being ourselves that we really get to know our true friends, those who know our flaws and areas of strengths and yet still decide to be our friends. If is from individuals like these we get to know who to be with.BE VULNERABLE
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Vulnerability is one of the most vital ingredients for a healthy relationship. Some of us have been hurt in the past so we are scared of being vulnerable again. We don't want to be hurt. It's really hard. But one thing we must realise is that vulnerability opens us to the joy, bliss, harmony, love that comes from relationships whilst it also exposes us to the hurts in relationships. To occlude ourselves from hurt is also to deprive ourselves from the others. Though, it's not always easy healing but we deserve a second chance. We need to hope still. We need to believe it's possible to have a good spouse. Of course, the level of vulnerability we should have for people should be tantamount to their relevance in our lives.
.HAVE A SELF - RELATIONSHIP
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The Three Levels Of Relationship
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There are three vacuums in our hearts as humans and these three vacuums must be filled as a result of the relationship we have with three major entities That fulfils us. They are in the order of; God (divine relationship), us (intra - personal relationship) and others (inter - personal relationship)
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The quality of the relationship I have with others is usually determined by the quality of relationship I have with myself and the quality of relationship I have with myself is dependent on the quality of the relationship I have with God. So, it's in that order. Love our neighbours as we love ourselves, the scriptures stipulates. We cannot give what we don't have. I am only able to show love to others properly when I love myself (not self obsession; narcissism )and I am only able to love myself, in spite of my presents flaws, my past and challenges when I have allowed myself received and live in the love God shows me.
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It is in relating with myself I get to truly understand who I am and who I'm not. It from thence, I get to know to a large extent, my likes and dislikes. Relationship with myself must involve all the elements of a healthy relationship; understanding, communication, trust, love, etc.
I should communicate with myself; think, enjoy memories, laugh at past jokes. I should ponder on some situations alone before bringing it to persons for their perspectives.
I should trust and believe in myself, in the appropriate way. It helps not to be an addict for apporval from others.
I should love myself. I deserve to take myself out. I don't need to wait for anyone to do that for me. I should buy myself gifts. Some people have the concept "living for others" misconstrued that they don't even have a life of their own. Balance is key.
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It is in knowing ourselves, we get to know who is appropriate and right for us.
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Next: The final chapter: Chapter 7. Love and Compatibility
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(My apologies for the delay. Thanks for your patience)
