So its Saturday, the crowned day for chores at home. Had some questions to ask mum but one piercing stare from eyes above her lowered spectacles told me otherwise.
Yet my doggedness to get answers took over and I walked closer to the kitchen sink to do the dishes while she countinued stirring the boiling pot of egusi soup.
I cleared my throat twice to begin conversation but words just got stuck in my mouth. This was the first time I was bold enough to approach any of my parent on confidential issues bothering me.
"Mum can we talk?"
"What about?" She asked looking at me with so much impatience.
"I've been having these feelings" I continued, my hands shaking so bad nearly letting the glass tumbler I was washing hit hard against the sink.
"Which feelings?"
Well I didn't need a soothsayer to tell me I was sure to regret ever bringing up this conversation if I continued down this lane. The tension in the kitchen could boil water.
"Uhmmmn. Never mind. Just came down with a little fever." I said swiftly diverting the topic. I just had to let it go. I finished my chores, went to my bedroom and curled myself into a tight ball on the bed, my mind running wild in all directions.
Why do we leave somethings silent.
Why do I have feelings towards the opposite sex and have to be crucified for it.
As a teen, I have the right to proper sexual information. Well, the serious talks I get are from my peers which of course are half baked and filled with so much misconceptions.
Parents.....
While you leave us with dos and don'ts, I'm at lost at what to do when faced with different situations.
So you leave me standing in the dark with no light house to guide me to the shores of adulthood.
Drowning on the roller coaster ride of my adolescence, I sometimes wish I could have extra pairs of helping hands.
If I can't be open with you, who else then? Puberty is still a big uncomfortable blurr that I'm trying to overcome.
I cringe with my face awashed from a hot blush whenever topics concerning sexuality is raised. I will feel this less if I had already had prep talks on this with you.
Guess you finding about me menstruating was when I requested for money to get sanitary pads. Had to scramble for tid bits here and there from internet and friends on what to do as my body changes .
Asking questions about sex is a sin punishable by the grown up law of "sex is a bad word so you are a bad child".
I can't even tell you that a grown up tried to abuse me the other day.
So my science teacher teaches me about reproduction and stops halfway hoping it gets completed at home and my parents expect my teacher to deliver a complete package.
The only teachings I get is "do not engage in premarital sex" and I end up condemning myself when hormones cause a surge of emotions and feelings through my being.
In a bid to know more about my self, I search...........
The internet gives me a wide array of information and subtlety diverts my attention to abominable sites.
Oh yeah, my peers are so full with loads of shocking advice about what to engage in to reduce menstrual pains (oops..trust me, you don't want to hear about that). I'm not a child and I'm not an adult either. What then am I? A middle and lone ranger left to wander.
With the aim of reaching out to these vulnerable population of adolescents on issues regarding healthy reproductive health. Spare the life initiative was carried out on the platform of BHS ( Blessed Health Spring), to create a two day sensitization on STIs/ Teenage Pregnancy.
It was humbling to see the ignorance of african teens, hear their questions and provide counseling. Let's try to help these folks out. The pride in teen motherhood and fatherhood is what they result to when silly mistakes alter their lives forever. Twas a swell time indeed.
BHS Team