A lot of negative thoughts float in my brain and heart when times are hard and that attracts negative people to me. It causes me to make mistakes, or say things I do not mean. Each of us has this potential for darkness.
I'm aware of all the hate I get in secret, and I see some of it publicly. It is taking heaps of courage for me to be in any public eye, and many know my vulnerabilities. This will get easier over time as I get more involved.
Just know I am doing my best to be better and make the world around me better.
My behavior in the past does not reflect who I am now and who I am tirelessly working to be!
I have stopped talking to exhausting people who I have to practically beg to hangout with. I have learned to recognize doubt and give it a hug. If I lie to someone, I immediately correct it and call myself out. I am working through my fragmented memory, and I have no choice but to face the roots in all of these poisonous plants that grow in the garden of my heart. It is painful to pull them from the soil, it is painful to remediate the soil.
To an untrained eye, healing looks like massive destruction. And I suppose it is. Destroying an old, false self can be painful. Destructive habits can be comfortable.
This takes a certain level of bravery I did not think I possessed, and at times, I do not think I have it still.
I will be doing this challenge all month and will be catching up slowly. <3
I am inviting new people in all the time, as I know I cannot make this shift into a positive outlook on myself alone. I will surround myself with loving, supportive, and uplifting people who only want the best for me. I just hope I can open my heart to accept it and know what it looks like. Change comes in weird ways, stay open and grateful. Have a powerful week.