——Previous review——
How to recognize, choose, and cultivate the right rigid demand?
If you are willing to think about it, you will know that the "rigid demand" thing, in essence, is rooted in values - values almost determine everything about a person, we have already known this.
You think about it, those who are "Be-Good Type" people, because they care more about their current performance in front of others, then the "success" state is their "choice", Their "rigid demand", they always want to be good enough in front of others, the state of success is of course the most desirable.
In contrast, a small number of "Be-Better Type" people, because they care more about their own changes, their own progress, so they do not care, or "not so care about" their current performance; They know that there is a process for learning, changing, and progressing. It is normal to stumble and stumble in the early days. As long as they continue to practice deliberately, there will be progress and change, and they will eventually get better.
Therefore, Be-Better Type people can easily understand, accept, and directly begin to practice such an idea:
Success is only a state at a certain moment; growth is more important, and growth is the real rigid demand.
The world that these two people see is completely different.
In the eyes of Be-Good Type persons, the world has only "success" and "failure." There is no intermediate state between them.
In the eyes of Be-Better Type persons, they know that success and failure are just a certain moment, and there are countless transition stages between them, which is what we call "growth."
So for Be-Good Type persons, if they can't succeed, it must mean failure. So when they don't see the hope of success, they will probably give up.
But Be-Better Type persons are not. They know that in addition to failure and success, they have a state:
Growing up and getting closer to success.
Because they can clearly understand this, they will not be overly disappointed. Progress a little bit every day and eventually reach the destination.
You see, "Your values determine your destiny", this is not excessive. After so long, you have known for a long time that the values of most people are like this:
Money > Time > Attention; Success > Growth; Now > Past > Future
And if your values are like this:
Attention > Time > Money; Growth > Success; Future > Now > Past
Then your choice will naturally change, and your "rigid demand" is naturally different from others.
Let us look at an example that might shock you. I have an explanation for the "ultimate problem of why most people eventually can't make a lot of money":
Because making money is not exactly what they rigid demand.
What is the need of most people?
Most people actually rigid demand to spend money instead of making money.
If you look closely, "getting rich" is almost everyone's dream. They think that "getting money is what you rigid demand", but their thoughts reveal the truth:
When I make a fortune, I will _ _ _ _ _ ! (Please fill in the blanks, you have heard a lot before.)
You see, "What they want to do after they have made a fortune" is what they really need.
For them, making money is only a means, and spending money is the purpose.
Observe that you know that there are only a few people in the world who “spend money for make money (investment)”, and most people are like this: “Make money is for spend money (consumption)”. This is not a tongue twister. This is a "simple logic analysis." It is this difference that ultimately caused a huge difference in the distribution of wealth among the people.
First, we have to reach a consensus:
Rigid demand to be able to actively choose, not necessarily natural, unchanging; further, rigid demand this thing often should not be passively accepted.
If you follow the nature, laziness is rigid demand, greed is rigid demand, jealous is rigid demand... Seven sins have one count and all are rigid demand, right? Therefore, we can even say without exaggeration that all progress and growth are "re-selecting the process rigid demand."
We are born to be imperfect.
Many natures have their own flaws. As mentioned above, laziness, greed, and jealousy are all attributes that we are born with. If they are allowed to decide our lives, the result will be bad.
But fortunately, we have brains and thinking, and we have strong learning ability. Even the readers of this column have the rare metacognitive ability.
These are all important tools for us to overcome the defects of nature.
Although I will give you a new tool every week, it does not mean putting it in the toolbox, your work is over.
The proficiency of the tool must be proportional to its time of use. So if you want to get rid of the shackles of nature, you must use these tools in your daily life.
"Know that I can choose", this "meta-cognition" is extremely important. People always mistakenly think that "people are involuntarily in the rivers and lakes", but they don't know that "involuntarily" is more of an illusion - you think, even suicide, you have to choose a method of death?
In fact, I mentioned this point in "Be friends with time":
Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist Victor Frank, his parents, wife and brother died in the clutches of the Nazis, and he himself was brutally abused in the Nazi concentration camp. After countless twists and turns and thoughts, he understood one thing: anything that a person possesses can be deprived, but the last freedom of humanity- that is, the freedom to choose one's attitude and way of life in any situation- Can not be deprived. In the most difficult years, he chose a positive attitude, "Let your mind go beyond the cage and free to fly in the free world." - "Be friends with time" Chapter 1: "Awakening."
You have to engrave this sentence in your own mind, and will recite it from time to time. Will take it out from time to time and take it out from time to time:
Anything that man possesses can be deprived, but the ultimate freedom of humanity- that is, the freedom to choose one's attitude and way of life in any situation- cannot be deprived.
As long as this sentence is engraved in your mind, you directly pass 99% of the people. They show weakness, entanglement, hesitation, stupidity, and after-the-fact annoyance and remorse at every critical moment in life. First, It may be because of a wrong choice, more likely because "They don't even know that they still have the freedom of choice", let alone the "courage of choice."
Secondly, among the many “correctly rigid demand”, what is the most critical and core?
Patience
Patience is just the need for all growth. Psychologists suggest that parents that teaching children to raise plants is better than teaching children to raise animals. Why? Because planting requires more patience, plants often grow less quickly and rarely give a "direct response." You have to live a lot of lifetime in your life (seven years is a lifetime), that is, many years, there will always be seven or eighty years? At any point in the process, you will feel that this is a long, long period of time. Without patience, how can a long road go? (There is one thing that can be completely assured: there is have or no patience both can finish...)
Everyone wants to succeed, there is nothing wrong with this.
But most people will involuntarily miss a precondition when describing their goals:
immediately…
Although they don't say anything, but look at their performance and you will know, and how impatient they are about achieving their goals.
After doing two days without significant effect, then wanted to give up; after practicing for three days, then felt painful and wanted to change one method.
Almost all of the halfway, and ultimately can be attributed to this:
Short-term expectations are too high.
This is the typical impatience of performance.
If you want to achieve your goals, the most important thing is to cultivate the "patient" rigid demand. Otherwise, it will only repeat the past experience constantly, and there will be no progress.
Why do I rarely mention money in a column headed "Road to Freedom of Wealth"? Even if it is mentioned, it is also a long time after starting? The reason is very simple and obvious (of course, only a few people think so):
The cultivate financial business is obviously the most patience required; and all the important skills related to wealth are “looking” ethereal or even nothing...
It is precisely because "seems" has little to do with wealth that most people do not pay attention to it, or even do not know that they can learn, should learn, can practice, and should practice.
Furthermore, if a person is impatient, it is unlikely to remove “something that is irrelevant” from a bunch of “it doesn’t seem to be relevant” skills, and find “skills that seem irrelevant but actually important. " Then carry out deliberate training.
Even if someone helps them to point out those “actually essential and indispensable skills”, they will not be able to appreciate the importance or indispensability of those skills because of lack of patience, so they may give up tempering at any time, and then “confirmation” themselves feeling: "Look, it really didn't work!"
People who have no patience can't do anything. People who are afraid of trouble will have trouble for a lifetime. Why are some people more patient? Why are some people not afraid of trouble? In fact, we have already said that some people live in the future.
Only the people who live in the future have real patience. In other words, how much patience a person has, just look at how long they will live.
More people are short-sighted, aren't they? Short-sighted people, regardless of what they do, want to "take effect immediately", and even "effective immediately" is "absolutely rigid demand" for them. If can't "effective immediately", even if it is "feeling that it can't take effect immediately", they will give up immediately.
After understanding the importance of "choosing consciousness" and "patience", you need to think deeply about another important concept:
Status quo
Our group has repeatedly stressed that "live in the future", but after such a period of study and thinking, have you discovered that it is really very difficult to "live in the future"? - Of course, if it is so easy to do, does not everyone live very well? Do you remember? The first time you read "Deep thinking about the future every day," how shocked you are "Is it so obvious that I need someone to remind me?!" Do you remember? In those days, you are full of energy every day, as if you have been born again... But why didn’t it last long, a few weeks, and like many people, you are being tortured by a thought: “oh my god! This is me, I have forgotten it for many days!"
For many people, the "status quo" is like "gravity", dragging you all the time, so that you can't fly at all, let alone "fly out."
What is the status quo? Why does the current situation make so many people unable to think about the future, can not become a "long-term successful investor", and eventually become a "short-term speculative loser"? Why is the status quo so that so many people become short-sighted, rather than "Far-sighted"?
The so-called "status quo", in essence, is nothing more than "past accumulation."
If you understand the so-called "status quo" in this way, you will understand that if the "status quo" is not satisfactory, then it must be "the past accumulation is not enough". The roots of shortsightedness are always the same:
Anxious eager to change the status quo.
The worse the status quo, the less accumulated, the more eager. And because of the accumulation of this thing, no one can make it out like a juggling. So, when faced with the extremely uncomfortable choice of "either recognize" or "accumulate from now on", a considerable number of people finally choose directly "adventure."
In fact, many of the reasons already have a very simple explanation, but because it is too familiar, it has been ignored.
This time we need to pass a reasonable metaphor, let it once again attract your attention.
For example, don't rush to change the status quo, this is a bit like "don't want to get rid of gravity." As long as we are still alive on earth, you cannot escape the shackles of gravity.
So when you accept this reality, you will look away from the "status quo" and go to other places to "find the key."
When you know that any status quo is caused by the accumulation of the past, you will naturally live in the future and work hard for the "status quo" of the future. Instead of just entangled in the lost opportunities in the past, complain about things that were wrong in the past.
Some people will complain about their parents, mourn their own destiny, hate that they are not born with a golden key - but they actually understand from another angle: if they end up being a person with enough accumulation, at least their next generation don't have to complain about them parents, they don't have to grieve them destiny, even if it is not "born with a golden key", whatever it is gold or silver, copper is iron, and ultimately it may contain at least a key!
You see, if we clearly define the "status quo" as "past accumulation", then we understand how difficult it is to "change the status quo immediately" - it is difficult to actually be impossible, because most We can only do one thing:
Take the present as a new starting point, start accumulating, focus on the future, and live in the future.
Do you remember? We have early "quit complaining," and now you have a deeper understanding of "why is dissatisfied with the status quo is completely meaningless" - because "discontent" itself does not increase any accumulation!
Finally, it is the combination of these things:
You always know that you still have the freedom of choice in the end; you know that you must live patiently in the future; you know that the status quo is accumulation, you know that dissatisfaction with the status quo is meaningless, and all liberation can only rely on accumulation...
Well, based on this understanding, based on such values, you can use another "ultimate weapon":
Choose the right "uncomfortable".
We may to use the dichotomy to analyze this issue again, so that everyone can see more clearly.
We divide things into two dimensions. One dimension is divided into "correct" and "wrong", and the other dimension is divided into "difficult" and "easy".
Our selection criteria should fall on the first dimension, not the second dimension.
That is to say, if one thing is wrong, then no matter how easy it is, we should not do it. Because this has no accumulation for us.
Conversely, if one thing is correct, then no matter how difficult it is, we should do it. Even if it is not doing well, it is a positive accumulation for us. When the results are accumulated to a certain extent, they will definitely play its role.
In the matter of wealth, when you first started, "no money to spend" and "can't make money" are hard to accept. However, if you think about it carefully, you will know that solving the former will make you lose more money, and solving the latter should be more important. So, put your attention on solving the latter and develop the habit of “can't make money then uncomfortable”, and with the natural choice of your other correct values, you will involuntarily get a lot of “naturally correct conclusions”, and in turn generate a lot of "actions that necessarily produce good results (even surprises)":
Can't make money because the ability is not enough; all abilities are achievable, as long as there is enough patience; in time, I will gain more and more...
You also often see (and definitely see more) the idea:
Can't make money because the society is unfair (not looking for problems in myself, looking for problems elsewhere); doing anything is no good, because the world simply won't change; so, or "casually," or "take risks and do bad things"...
When you acquire any skill, there is something uncomfortable. Choosing the right one is often the key.
For another example, when you are learning English, the pronunciation is very poor, you have to choose:
Because you have no progress and are uncomfortable (say a little more, practice a little more); because you are afraid of others laughing at you and being uncomfortable (do not say it, do not practice).
【The Better chapters】
About the good of others
We have re-acquainted with "the good of others"
About right value
Correct value of itself
About your destiny
What determines your destiny?