If you are a Nigerian and you are reading this article, then I’m sure you will have a better understanding of this topic that I am about to discuss. Marriage is a very respected and well celebrated event in Nigeria and more especially among the three most popular tribes in Nigeria which are Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa.
Let’s start with the Yorubas. It is a mixture of Muslims and Christians and the only tribe out of the three major tribes in Nigeria to have such as the other two are majorly dominated by one religion or the other. The Yorubas are regarded as the tribe that likes parties the most and can spend their last dime or even worst still, go and lend money just to make sure that they have a successful wedding party.
Though, I am a Yoruba guy and all I have to say about that notion is “I am not sure if they are right or wrong”. Actually, most Yoruba wedding usually come in two phases, the first is the traditional wedding which will be held either at an event centre or better still, the wife’s family home where the couple will wear native attires while the second phase is the white wedding, which is held at a place of worship where the wife adorns a wedding gown and the husband, a wedding suit.
It should be noted that some Yoruba wedding only come in one phase, depending on how financially capable the couple and their families are. There is no written document that says that a Yoruba wedding must have two phases but if you know the Yorubas very well, you will know that they love to take something to the next level.
For the Igbos, they are predominantly Christians and many Nigerians are of the believe that the rules of marriage for the groom is extremely harsh and unfriendly because he is expected to provide for what his family will wear and cook and do same for his in-laws family while at the same time bringing food items worth hundreds of thousands of Nigerian dollar.
This is also done most times in two phases with the first being in the village and the second at the church. The village wedding most times is the one they place more importance on and spend money like never before while the church wedding is for the sake of fulfilling religious righteousness.
For the Hausas, it is predominantly dominated by the Muslims and they boast of the largest amount of Muslims in Nigeria. Many are of the belief that this is the most simple and affordable marriage of the three major tribes in Nigeria because they hardly hold any elaborate wedding. Aside from that, the groom is only expected to buy clothing materials for his wife and rent the house while the bride is responsible for buying most of the items that will be used to decorate the house. I am sure you will agree with me that it is fair enough.
Another reason is that, majority of Hausa marriages have only one phase, where they just hold the event according to their financial power and both parties are happy with it.
Though, there are some Hausa wedding that are very elaborate and expensive but when you make your findings, they are usually the rich ones
Having talked a bit about marriages in Nigeria, let’s take some look into marriage proper and what the couple go through after the wedding because like they always say, “wedding is for one day, marriage is forever”. It may interest you to know that many marriages in Nigeria have crashed or led to divorce over the intervention or as a result of intrusion from both couple’s parents or other family members, most especially from the husband’s family as they try to always frustrate such marriage.
It is pertinent to state clearly here, I am not taking sides with the Nigerian women and again, I am a man. All I am trying to do is lay the facts as they appear to me, I am not saying you have to agree with my ideas or that I am right, I am just writing based on my observation and experience.
Like a popular Nigerian adage goes, “You can have a wicked husband, but you dare not have a wicked in-laws from your husband’s family” because they will make life miserable and unbearable for the woman until she leave the house. That is why some ladies do say that “I pray my mothers-in-law dies before I get to marry my husband”.
This is a very common knowledge in Nigeria because when some ladies recount their experiences with their mothers-in-law, it is most times horrible and saddening. Some ladies are even of the stance that, no matter how poor their soon to be husband might be, they will never accept to the idea of living with her husband’s family (That’s a topic for another day).
However, some ladies are sometimes lucky to meet with understanding and accommodating mothers-in-law who cherishes and treats them like their daughters because they believe that their own daughters too are married into another man’s family or will also marry into man’s family and it’s the way she treats another person’s daughter that her daughter will also be treated. Not all mothers-in-law understand this.
It is imperative to note that in some cases, it’s is not the mothers-in-law who has problem of attitude but the wife and she will sometimes do everything humanly possible to make sure her mothers-in-law doesn’t visit their home even when she is not troublesome or violent.