Only a fool.....
....Would give advice on a Wedding
... But I'll do it anyways.
However
By way of credentials. I was almost entirely responsible for planning my wedding and making sure it was elegant enough to keep my wife happy. Enjoyable enough to keep the guests happy. Frugal enough to keep me happy.
A bit about my wedding. At the time my fiancee lived a long way from where I was and because of that she couldn't bring much family along. She was also not in a position to plan everything from so far away (4000+ Km away). Her words "I'd love to Marry you. Just get everything ready, I'll show up and say 'I Do'..."
Which meant that I had to do all the planning...and all the paying too
One of the most important things I learned was to let people do what they do best.
I regularly went to church. I talked to the Pastor who insisted on meeting us both and talking about marriage and our vows. After that he took the lead on helping us walk through the process and getting things ready. He knew someone who could play the music. He had done enough marriages he could run is through the basics and give me a hand in what needed to be done. By letting him do what worked I saved a lot of planning and hassle.
I also wanted it to look pretty and that meant flowers and decoration. Again, I knew a florist. I explained I was young and on a budget. She asked a few questions about colours and flowers and said leave it to me, I'll make it look beautiful...on a budget. She had access to suppliers and was able to get more beautiful flowers than I ever could have if I asked for specific decorations or flower types.
I needed a place for a reception and I talked to the owner of the Retallack lodge as it was the nicest restaurant in town. I talked to him about food and catering but as we got talking I found out that the lodge also had a meeting area and a number of guest room as well as other amenities. If I rented the entire lodge all the amenities went along with it.
Then I needed someone to bake a wedding cake. Well, the wife of the owner of the lodge knew someone who made specialty deserts for the lodge. She reached out to the lady who just loved making cakes. Making a wedding cake was something that she loved to do. I gave her a few idea and she just said leave it to me and it will be beautiful. By leaving the cake to her I was able to get something far better than I could have done myself
In short. I allowed people to do what they did best and they were able to do things for a better price, faster, and more elegantly than if I had tried to do all the details myself!
How did it work?
Well, the lodge had rooms on 3 different rooms. I was downstairs with my groomsman in those rooms. My wife was upstairs with her bridesmaids and helpers. On the main floor guests and friends got to sleep. The night before the wedding everyone had a place to sleep. We had games rooms for the adults. A hot tub for anyone who wanted. Video's for the kids. Even a bar upstairs where I hired someone to serve apple cider and non-alcoholic drinks for a few hours so everyone could chat and enjoy a quiet evening together.
The next morning we are all at the same lodge so we could all head to the church together. I went first to make sure everything was set up. When my wife left everyone else left at the same time. In that way (1) everyone figured out how to get to the church and no-one was left trying to find their way. (2) everyone arrived at about the same time so people weren't waiting forever for the bride to arrive and (3) My bride arrived and had a little extra time to prepare before going down the aisle but not so long that everyone sat wondering.
The service was actually fairly short. No waiting for important people to arrive. No wondering if anyone was going to show up (everyone was at the lodge the night before). No-one getting lost. It was very smooth. Even better, when we left the lodge the staff at the lodge knew that things were starting and they knew it was time to start preparing the food. After the service EVERYONE headed back to the lodge together. Usually the bride and grooom are so busy taking pictures while everyone else gets bored waiting for the reception to occur.
However, as everyone had a room AT the reception hall. Those with little children could take a nap in the room. Those taking pictures were all available at a moments notice. When the food was ready everyone could show up for the reception at the same time without waiting for all the guests. The food was served promptly. There were toasts to the bride and groom. Speeches to the family and friends. Photo's taking all over the venue...and if any of the little ones got tired it was a 2 minute walk to their room for a quick nap. The elderly could also take a short nap and return to the festivities without having to force themselves.
Everyone had a great time and no one felt tired or bored waiting for the festivities to begin.
Even better, I did it for a fraction of the cost of most weddings. I rented 12 hotel rooms, purchased 40 meals for the guests and in return the reception hall, the pool tables, the hot tub, the snowy mountain side picture area, and all the other amenities just came for free. The wedding cake came in less than half the price of buying from a "Bridal Shop" and everyone was amazed at the wonderful taste of a handmade German cake.
At the end of a long day usually people are tired and just want to go home. However, as everyone had a nice private room to rest in they could drink without having to worry about driving home. They could dance..and rest if they got tired. They could socialize but take a break if they felt overwhelmed. More importantly when I went off to spend my honeymoon night with my wife... they were all happily in one place surrounded with friends and family so they didn't feel the need to come play pranks on the newlyweds 🤣
One last piece of the wedding the my wife WANTED me to do and I just flat out refused was.
.... to get her wedding dress for her.
Seriously?
That wasn't going to happen. In the end she borrowed one from an aunt who was about the same size. Now many women want their own dress and pay a HUGE amount of money for it. My wife was too smart for that. She got a beautiful dress that had only been worn once, drycleaned it at the end of the event and returned it in perfect condition. At virtually no cost.
A personal photo of my wife and I a long time ago.
Foolish Advice for Newlyweds
Only a Fool....
...rushes in where wise men fear to tread
There is an old saying "Fools rush in where wise men fear to treat". Marriage is no different. Marriage is a huge commitment that should not be taken lightly. So many marriages end up in divorce. So many have fights and hard feelings. In cases even abuse either verbal of physical. Infidelity, hurt feelings, broken dreams are all things that are very real in many marriages.
Before getting married think very hard about your life together.
A wedding is the start of a marathon, make sure you are ready
Only a Fool...
...Sprints at the beginning of a marathon
So many people but so much thought and energy into their Wedding that they can forget the big picture. They focus on the cake, the decorations, the wedding list, the menu, the location, the seating plans, the dress...and so many other things. That focus can become overwhelming and leave you exhausted before the real work of being a spouse even begins! Be wise...pace yourself...You will be spending your entire life together. Make the wedding preparations at a leisurely pace and with a little less stress. Your future selves will thank you.
Only a Fool...
...Belittles the magic moments in life
Okay guys. How many of you are in awe of the Wedding?
Unless I miss my guess, most guys want to get married but they haven't really been focused on their Wedding day since they were little. It is a formal ceremony and if you are like me its a "necessary evil" kind of like going to a funeral. Sure getting married is great but all the work of a Wedding party...ugh.
But remember this is a special day. Especially for the bride (at least in my experiences). Enjoy the moment. Remember to make it special for your wife. Take time to enjoy the smiles. Take time to enjoy your family. Take time to enjoy the food. Take time to enjoy the love and warm feelings as you start out on your life together with your beautiful bride.
This is only the first of many special moments together with your wife. Enjoy every one of them.
Only a Fool...
...Worries more about the pregame festivities than the outcome of the match
Anyone out there like watching sports games? Ever watch a pre-game show before a FIFA match? Here's the thing about the pre-game...it is a wonderful event to get people in the mood for an exciting game. However, at the end of the game people remember the plays and the score during the game..not so much the pre-game festivities.
The wedding is like the warm up for the big match. The pre-game gets the competitors psyched up for what is to come. The pre-game gets the audience ready for the big game. The pre-game builds the anticipation for what is to come. How about the wedding? It gets the competitors (spouses) ready for their competition against whatever the world throws against them. It sets a beautiful tone for the love they will share together through the years. It gets the family ready to support and welcome a new person into their midst.
I've been married for 25 years now and I'll say one thing that I know to be true. People often ask...
but never
So, don't stress over the little events in a wedding. In the long term a stain on a dress or a strand of hair out of place means nothing. Grandma getting fish instead of beef won't matter and someone dancing a little odd will be forgotten. It's the love in the marriage in all the years to come that's important so don't worry about the little stuff
Only a fool...
...Enjoys blurry pictures
Now this one is focused for all those attending the wedding festivities. This one is important.
Remember who the star of the show is
This is a time to focus on the happiness of the bride and groom.
PERIOD
If there are rivalries with another family member...put it aside. If you are upset over the choice of music, the seating arrangement at the table, someone not showing up, someone drinking too much, or any other little annoying thing. Forget about it.
This is not a time to focus on anything other than the happiness of the new couple. Why? Because if you focus on other things then the couple gets Out of Focus and no-one likes a blurry, out of focus pictures. There will be plenty of time for pretty feuds with other family members at other times. Plenty of time to nitpick and gossip about others on other days.
The wedding day is about two people sharing time with those people they love and preparing to spend their life together.
try to keep proper focus for at least one day
Final Words
If you are getting married a few final words:
- Make it special and enjoy the day.
- But don't stress every little detail. It doesn't need to be perfect
- Don't spend too much. Debt leads to stress and marriage is stressful
- Remember this is only the beginning...plan for the long term not the day.
AND