Who am I? I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm a woman who needs reassurance. There are times I feel happy, there are times I feel sad. Will anyone understand me? Will anyone ever ask? But I'm so open in my life. Why am I like this? I'm losing my head. I have so much to say but who should I say it to? I'm my own best friend. Why am I so lonely? Why is it hard for me to find a friend? Why do I feel so alone yet I have someone. What's wrong with me? But watch in a few hours I'll feel better I'll wake up loving life. But then I have those days where I feel what I'm feeling right now. Do I make those around me happy? Do I make my mom happy? Do I make my boyfriend happy? Do I make myself happy? Oh wait I've asked myself that question already, I do. But why is my self esteem so low I fear my boyfriend leaving. I have my days where I'm super confident and then I have the days where I'm scared of everything. I'm losing it. I'm losing it Genny! What will make me feel better? Crying. Crying to the point I get too tired of crying. No one sees this side of me. I stand confident in the face of others but inside my head well here is what's going inside my head.
My relationship has its days where I'm loving days and then I have the days where I want to run far away and scream. I sometimes need someone to hug me and tell me I'm going to do okay. But those are my expectations. No one will say that to me. I say it to myself all the time. It's not working. But I'll be okay. I always am well so I think. Why can't I open this up to anyone? Oh that's right I will feel vulnerable. Why can't I open this up to my boyfriend? Because he won't listen. We will end up arguing. Oh how I love arguing, well so he told me once. I don't. In reality I need lots of love and attention. Jesus I'm 20 and I need this. Wait don't use his name in vain. I tried the way most teens do which is sedate myself to feel numb. Didn't work. It never does it's just an excuse people use. I need to cry right now and I need someone to hold me but the person is not here to do so. Oh I got it! I'll talk to myself again it works, it always does. Maybe I'm overthinking and he won't get upset and he'll understand me. But I don't even understand me.
P.S: My writing has no topic. It's whatever I feel like it. And it helps me in a very therapeutic way. If you don't like it, then move on with your life and I'll continue with what I'm doing here.