I know you must wonder why I call you white woman.
Your skin colour is just so perfect for the story "Americanah".
I'm guilty for falling in love with you,but that doesn't mean I should be imprisoned,Maybe I fell in love with you just for no reason.
I guess we are not on the same page,and that could be the factor of Age.
You are scared that I might be a liability,because you are not even sure of my ability.To you I can't be a reality.
I wish I could just say sorry,sorry for all the times I had been a fool for your love.
But I'm not sorry for loving you.
I know there were times you wish you could say to me, get off! stay away! stop calling me!, but I guess you never wanted to make me feel so dissapointed.
You have a large heart, I never felt your words tearing me apart.
I was scared talking to you,but I wasn't scared texting you. Because I wasn't sure I could be enough for you.
Moments you think of how you could make me understand,without me feeling like a lamp without a stand.
I love you,the way it seems I'm so far away knowing that imma never get a place.
I seek your peace,I seek your joy and laughter but I'm like a pain in the ass that you wish you could smother.
I'm responsible for my own damage,I was waiting for the time to create my own sage.
I'm getting it all wrong,preparing for the time that I can sing you all the songs.
I'm sorry for putting you through a trauma because I love you and I never wanted to lose the friendship corner.
I miss your calls all the time,but I find it difficult to pick up when your name appears on my phone screen.
Always glad when I read through your name,your voice alone gives me a sweet pill.
I don't want you to console me, because I'm writing myself a story.
A story of love that failed because I have no kiss to tell,and I have no words to keep.
Maybe you feel pity for me,that I've not been so lucky,with you.
I tell myself not to cry,I sold all my laughter to you, so you could always smile.
You made me feel like the world was made for you and I, I thought I couldn't exist without you.
I'm writing you white woman,for creating a space that can never be filled,for planting a seed that can never be watered.
I'm sorry because I never realised, your world wasn't meant for me.
