I guess most romantic comedies have a happy ending. The main characters finally start going out/get married/etc. All the crazy adventures, romantic moments of joy happen before this important moment when everyday life begins. To cut a long story short – when a normal life begins. Because normal life is boring.
I am generalising of course now. What I mean is that an average week of an average marriage is not interesting. It is not a Hollywood-style marriage. Nobody is going to write a scenario about it. The prose of everyday life makes the consecutive days interfuse. A house, a wife, children - all they become the background of existence. It loses its colour, flavour and scent. Oh, such an empty life.
Boredom
Routine of consecutive days is somehow inevitable. It is hard to function in the family without entering the routine. Children need to have a sense of security, some sort of framework. Chaos is bad for them. Parents also want to feel the comfort, thanks to the routine they know they can handle a day or a week. They know when they open the fridge in the morning, there will be something inside to make breakfast because they weekly buy the food. They know they will not stick to the floor because they tidy it every week. This gives them a sense of stability. Stability; however, is not enough to have a happy life.
I believe that marriage is a lifetime institution. My dream is to spend the rest of days with my wife. Let me put it straight: I can’t imagine my life without Her. By "I can’t imagine" I mean "I don't plan to". Let's go back for a moment to the first thought of my text. Everyday life is boring. Everyday life is not attractive. Unfortunately, I have noticed that a lot of guys draw the following conclusions: a wife is a part of everyday life, children are a part of everyday life, the family is a part of everyday life. Going further: cool, attractive things take place beyond the everyday life and happen without the participation of the above-mentioned people.
I'm not going to judge anyone. I would only like to draw your attention to a pattern. Thus, it may give some people food for thought.
If we follow such assumptions, it will mean a death sentence for our relationship and our love. The picture of a girl who we were in love with, who kept us awake at night will be replaced by a picture of an unattractive woman who is a part of the boring everyday life and who would remind us we have to vacuum the carpet or take the rubbish out.
Of course, usually the fault lies on both sides, but don’t blame other people - let's focus on us, dear friends. Because if you want to fix the world, start from yourself and don't blame others.
It's nice when a guy feels as if he was a little boy inside, who is joyfull and full of crazy ideas. It is worse when apart from the little boy, there is no responsible man who is ready to resign from certain things and face life. It is the fastest way to make a beloved woman a grumpy old lady. Because damn it, there has to be someone at home who acts responsibly. And if you don't do it, there will be someone else. And if that someone has to take care of the entire home, the children and the irresponsible man, it is not surprising that sooner or later (usually sooner) she is going to be pissed.
This allegory may be trivial but is adequate as well - marriage is like a garden. You don’t have to be an allotment holder to know that you have to take care of the garden. It needs watering, weeding etc. It is the same situation with marriage - you have to take care of it. If you are unable to perform household chores and your wife is the only person who has to do it and she is finally overwhelmed by everyday life duties, why would you expect such relationship work well?
Without wife
I observe bunches of guys who plan different ‘no wife to do things’. There is going to be a great trip, a conference, a training session, whatever. It’s going to be fun. Yeah, it will be a great time. And then, unfortunately, you will have to come back home...
I noticed this kind of behaviour a long time ago. I really don’t like it and I don’t want to ruin my relationship with such thinking. I want my marriage to be (forgive me the cliché) like a blooming garden. And it is, indeed. I am happy when I can spend time with my wife. I don’t divide life into these cool moments and the dull ones I spend with her.
Parties? Trips? If only we can, we go together. If only we can because we know that there is not always a possibility like that. But even when we stay at home, we try to celebrate the time we spend together. A dull evening can become a pleasant and an interesting one. All you have to do is want it. Just make dinner when the children go to bed, drink a glass of wine, talk, laugh together and relax after a busy day.
Conclusion
To sum up - you need to take care of your marriage. You can’t let it be overwhelmed by everyday life. You have to plan trips, time to go out and entertainment together. Just the two of us. Just me and her. Together we must get away from the everyday life to be able to face it. From my own experience I know that if your wife is your best friend, nothing can stop you. When I am about to go somewhere, I don’t plan how to escape from my wife but I plan how to organize it together. For now, I can say this method has been working perfectly for eight years.
Best wishes,
Zuch
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