I broke down so fatally in the few days that flew past! My life has been tougher than tough!
The difference is: "i don't get to say of these things out" as these days, i feel "words" aren't anylonger, "outlets" enough.
An entire tired being in the rubble and sometimes the only exertion you can develop is "an arm outstretched".
My steemgigs witness broke down in the last few days as well! It didn't miss a block but it wasn't publishing price feed for some days.
The "steemgigs witness" now fixed but i am not.
I am here though because regardless of all this fight, i will try to be here. It's my life now, so its all good!
You guys need to stay awesome. Stay great!
Even at times when the above words feel very much like vanity, it's not exactly about us. Its never been!
Infact, if i came into this world alone, without any ties, then it would have been all the more vanity. Quitting dead easier!
Steemgigs witness got updated! 19.2 edition is what has been recommended to be next and it 19.2 it has become.
Updating it was pretty simple and fast and required running one line of command!
Live price feed also being published and all that was required to fix that, was a one-time linux command;
"lf"Life Update!
I have one more dream i now carry too. My mama's dreams!
I am speechless! But i fight to stay empowered, so that even my "speechless" is allowed to have worth.
How i do wish, my life was updateable just like it was done with the witness. Simply run code and transcend reality. It's dead tough! "My life is!"
Some readily available things that i don't have that you may have!
- "Hahaha"; could easily mean shone teeth. "Luxury in my case!"
- Pillow: A fluffy stuff to hug tight. "Far-fetched in my case!"
- Hugs: Chest-to-Chest; in heart-to-heart smooch. "Dead scarce in my case!"
- Air: Free precious commodity. "Two-gasps-for-one-gulp in my case!"
- Sigh of relief: Moment of respite, with gulp of "whole" soothing fresh air. "I am yet to experience this!"
- Goodnews: News that joycifies the heart. "
- Feelings: Ability to feel a moment; ability to feel touch etc; "i have lost this!".
- Relaxation: Muscles, nerves, skin, brain in mellow-mode; "don't know what this is!"
- True Sleep: "I have forgotten how to!"
- Un-pain: "My pain is 24/7!"
- etc.......
I am still very speechless for now so i will pause.....
(As for parents, even as they crumble, i am not opportune to hold them close. But can i at least call them to hear their voice? I can't!)
Its too complicated! Its too complicated!
I love them like crazy & they love me like crazy. This love skins me alive!
"Depth" is too hard; it haunts you! "Shallowness" on the other hand is a very no-go-area! So, "depth" it is and i peer & peer and it haunts me and eats me up.
Have i exaggerated?
No energy to generate exaggeration!
Do i have an outlet?
Even "words" have deserted me! "Tears" have deserted me! I pray to Jehovah but again, words & tears have deserted me.
Can i still fight?
It's all i still do!
I am dead tired!
"Terry how are you?".
This is my hardest FAQ because the answer is never a "fine".
How to keep the fire burning?
Look at me and draw some inspiration!
"I do have one of the toughest lives!" I do not do comparisons as i speak for myself and this i know.
It is not always about diagnosis, it is more about the state of the human. (mental, psycological, depth, story, etc)
How Much Beauty Is #philippines Already Creating?
The number of steemians from the Philippines, is growing steadily and efforts are in place for new entries.
Yes, everyone new or old, plays a role in steemit growth!
Intense curation to help this community has helped as well. Apart from strengthening the existing communities and fortifying our conviction in the potential of steemit, it teaches newer steemians how to curate as well and how to tend to newer communities of friends who join steemit.
The process of on-boarding new steemians is way easier now, with curation efforts, comments, communities and various chat outlets and this gives steemians way more conviction, when it comes to inviting in, new steemians!
The quality and frequency of posts on #philippines is rising and its becoming a beauty. Plus, the talent is shining forth.
There is an untold amount of talent here, stemming from the Philippines. Much of this talent had stayed hidden, however, steemit manages to enliven and these hid talents are now shining forth.
There have been recent contests helping in this regard e.g the recent art contests, #steemgigs, story contests etc
e.g WOW I Won 3 Drawing Contests this week! | THANK YOU!
And more to come.......
As once i am able to come out with more words; i have great ideas in mind to stir more community excitement, enhance steemit growth, unleash new creativity etc and i will try to pour them forth.
Let's try to give birth to more beautiful moments together and store some of these beauty on the steem blockchain, for the generations for which we actually do these things.
"Again, it has never been about us!"
"It has never been only about rice and beans". For there are deeper things; "life in itself!".
Yes, in the places where i am at; there is no inspiration, no hugs, no pillows, no surprises, no goodnews, no nothing!
Even 'free air', is 'two gasps for one gulp'.
Regardless however, even my entire tired being tries to exude power, with the loving aim being, "to empower you"; to Re-tell you that you are everything; "you are the very best!"
We are genius!
I am glad to find a new school on the internet upon which i can manage to have this voice!
Yes, life is pretty much un-understandable.....
Even when the going is un-tough, something still feels missing but hey there, 
Whatever our needs are, we just can attain them. We were made beautifully with eyes to see colors (not limited to black and white) and ears to tell you that a 'Mariah Carey's high note is not the same as a dolphin trying to squeal a Shakira tune.
Well, we can do it. We can walk again. We can chew diamonds. We can ....... etc.
Jehovah be with us all in Jesus' name amen.
Your boy Terry
My steemgigs witness lost valuable vote from, indicating that as witness, you have got to stay up-to-date. The lost-vote helped matters as it reminded me to check on my witness and do the necessary updates.
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OR
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