Of all my personal Facebook posts, the one with the highest number of likes turns out to be a picture of me sitting on my cousins black convertible GT Mustang in a parking lot somewhere in Houston, Texas. In the comments under the photo someone rightly observed that that particular photo got more likes than the numerous very positive and educational content I produce and share on social media almost daily.
Most of us are growing up in a Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram world which is very different from our daily realities. Social media platforms help us put filters on our lives as we share the highlights of our stories with the world. There is this unofficial race to show the world that we are living epic lives even when in reality or actuality, we are weighed down by life’s common stresses.
If you take a keen look at your timeline today, you’ll see most people sending out the vibe that they are tough, they are on top of things and I say - couldn’t be further from reality. We all have weaknesses and most of us are currently lost in the world. Basically, those of us growing up in this social media enhanced age are recording the lowest levels of self esteem ever.
Ironically, I have noticed a trend of people being hushed down for trying to bring to light some of the things that are not so cool to air out on social media. I’m talking about the ‘negative’ but important life experiences we encounter. The ‘shhhhhh’ fate is similar for those who try to question why we only show the bright side of our lives on social media, keeping the dark ends to ourselves. Which brings me to a thing called Dopamine.
Engagement with social media and our cell phones releases a chemical substance in our bodies called dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that, among other things, helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centers.
Famously termed the ‘Kim Kardashian of neurotransmitters,’- dopamine is the reason why we count the likes and it is the reason why some people will die looking for the perfect lighting to take a picture for the gram. It is the reason why bloggers need to talk about Blanche Bailley’s backside more than any other important thing she does, if any.
Most of us know the feeling we get when the post we thought was going to break the internet gets little or no response. In some cases, it might just be a matter of bad timing but the default reaction when we get no reaction is to think that we are doing something wrong. We get a trauma like experience when we think we have been unfriended or they don’t like us anymore. Social media basically turns us into attention and affection seeking souls.
When you get a lot of reaction to your social media posts, you get a hit of dopamine and it feels good. It is why we like it and it is why we want more. Dopamine is also the chemical substance responsible for the good feelings we get when we smoke, drink, and when we gamble - basically it is the driving force behind our addictions and most of us are addicted to our cell phones and social media as they have become the primary means by which we can get the much needed approval from our peers and now - strangers.
The sad thing is, Dopamine has a numbing effect and with time, we are becoming hard wired to our devices and social media platforms in a way that makes it difficult for us to form meaningful relationships in the real world. Social media even gives us false perceptions of ourselves. We copy and paste statuses then accept the reactions to those statuses as a reward for our own wit. On another hand, social media is what we turn to for relief from our troubled lives but the problem is - social media can only provide temporary relief.
We wish our parents who are not on Facebook, happy birthday on Facebook and they never see it; but because other people see and send us likes, we suddenly feel we have a good relationship with our parents even when that is not the case. Even when you didn’t actually call your mom or send her a gift on her birthday, you managed to feel like you did for a few hours and your relationship with your mom is still where it was before you wrote that heartfelt message for your Facebook friends on your mother’s birthday. Like I mentioned earlier, the relief is short-lived and we are soon in need of more approval which pushes us to dream up the next post and the next. It ceases being about ‘I have something important to say’ and becomes ‘It is important that I say something.’ Then we all keep our phones very close waiting for the world to clap for us.
Science shows that people who spend more time on Facebook are relatively more depressed than those who don’t. Imagine for a second not being able to pay your rents for the month and then hopping on Facebook to find your peers living la vida loca in Cancun. I mean, it will be hard for you not to think your life sucks. Low self esteem kicks in and you have to do things like when a friend of a friend wrote to him when he was visiting Nigeria asking him if he could post on his snapchat that they are together in Nigeria -True true story so!
Any- Ha!
Social media like all the other things we can get addicted to is not inherently bad. The negatives only come in when we are unable to find a balance. Social media and our digital devices have thrusted us into a realm where we can get instant gratification whilst losing the patience that it takes to build things and relationships that matter - the patience to stick to the truth until everybody else catches up with you. We are all in a rush to have an ‘IMPACT’ on the world and for many, just having an impact is more important than where that impact lies on the number line.
On the part of the regular Facebook user, it is all about creating things like #throwbackthursday for when they couldn’t afford to visit a lux restaurant this week so they have to bring back a pic from another life to match what everybody else is posting today. On the part of the content creators who use the platforms to build communities, it means ‘insert butt where brain is supposed to be’ - it means dumb it down to what Seth Godin calls the candy diet because the candy diet has been proven to get more likes and ‘impact.’ (we have also posted Seth’s article on the candy diet today for reference)
Before I started writing on PoiseSocial, there was a growing disdain for long social media posts. Now, I am happy that many take the time out to read beyond what they allowed themselves to read in the past. However, there is a group of dopamine thirsty individuals who confuse the reaction we get on Poise as a result of the value we provide to be as a result of people’s new found love for verbosity. Basically, some now think they have to make it long to belong to the upper echelon of social media influencers or culture engineers and in the process they are slowing rekindling the hate people had for long posts as they are more concerned with filling the space than communicating value.
I taught my students during the Bonteh Digital Media workshop about the importance of consistency on social media when you use it like a marketing tool. Social media platforms follow a timeline/engagement algorithm which makes it such that when you stay for long without posting, you are forgotten. The short attention spans also create a need to be constantly in the faces of people with new and exciting content.
For the two weeks following the class, PoiseSocial went dormant. I would say I did not take my own advice if I was using PoiseSocial as a marketing tool but I guess we have established it is not. Wandji Wilfred expressed to you in an article the week before last that he is never happy with me when I don’t write on Poise for long, but I have good excuses.
PoiseSocial is an extension of me and the few other writers I have been able to convince to come on board- at least for now. I am more like you than I am different so I can also get caught up in the hype of having people like my write-ups and leave me warm comments.
Every now and then, I have to step back and make sure I do not write something just so I can get your likes and comments. I have to make sure I do not seek your engagement so I can bask in the glory of my social media influence. Some of the time, I have other pressures that make it that my creative juices do not flow naturally and I feel like I am ‘forcing’ the articles. Sometimes, I just get exhausted and I need to find new experiences that can inspire better, valuable, and original content for you and those times I take a break. Sometimes, I take a break just to be sure I am in control of my time and energy. Sometimes, I take a break just to remind myself that the joy I get from writing is not overshadowed by the praise I get for writing.
For many others, the addiction is so high that they will rather create inconsequential or detrimental conversations just for the shots of dopamine your notifications give them - the false sense of impact.
For the sake of the readers and given that we have established that Poise followers are the future, I also don’t want it to become a thing where I just read and write an off comment just to show the rest I belong and lie to myself that I grasp fully the content of the article. Sometimes, I want Poise to go away so when it comes back, they can be reminded of what void it fills in their lives so that they can read each article a little bit slower and take all the juice.
That said -
I don’t think the solution to social media addiction is to delete your social media accounts because in doing so, you will miss a lot of great things. What you need to do is to use the tools made available by each platform to make sure those platforms help you add value to your life, build better relationships, and control your addiction to approval from complete strangers. You have to know that the number of likes and comments don’t matter more than the long term impact you can create even for a few.
There are people I am friends with whom I have unfollowed so I don’t see their posts. Some I mute for one month then come back to see if they have changed. Then for those who I don’t really mind hurting, unfriend is Bae and Bougie.
