A friend told me the truth

Explained in first person by a woman, it is perfectly clear to
all men, why do they take so much time in the bathroom and why
Is that whenever they can go accompanied.

A trip to the bathroom !!!!!

The great secret of all women regarding the bathroom is that, when you were little, your mom would take you to the bathroom, teach you to clean the toilet bowl with toilet paper and then put strips of paper carefully on the perimeter of the toilet.
I finally instructed you: "Never, never sit in a public bathroom ! "And then I taught you the" position, "which consists of swinging on the toilet in a sitting position without your body having any contact with the top.

"The Position"

"The Position" is one of the first life lessons of a girl, important and necessary, accompanying us for the rest of our lives. But even today, our seniority years, "the position" is painfully difficult to maintain, especially when your bladder is almost bursting.
In a public toilet, you will find a huge queue of women that even looks like Brad Pitt is in there. That is why, You resign yourself to waiting, smiling kindly at the other women who also cross their legs and arms discreetly in the official position of "I'm almost pissing myself!"

Your turn

Finally it's your turn! And the typical mother arrives with a little girl who can not stand it "(my baby can not take it anymore, sorry, I'm going to get ahead, what a pity!). So check under each cubicle to see if there is legs.
They're all busy. Finally you open one and throw yourself in there, almost knocking the person who is still leaving ...
You enter and you see that the lock is damaged (it is always!); does not matter…
Hang the suitcase on the door hook ... WHAT? There is never a hook !!
You inspect the zone, the floor is full of undefined and strange liquids, and you dare not rest it there, so you hang the bag on the neck while you see how it balances under you, not to mention that the handle dis-articulate the neck, because the suitcase is full of little things you acumulated for 5 months in a row, and most of which you do not use, but you have in case ...
But, returning to the door ... as it had no lock, the only option is to hold it with one hand, while the other lowers the trousers in an instant and You put "in position"…

The relief

AAAAHHHHHH ... finally, what a relief ... but that's when your thighs begin to shake because everything is already suspended in the air two minutes ago, with the underwear cutting off your thighs, arm extended to force on the door and a 5-kilo bag to cut your neck!
You'd like to sit down, but you did not have time to clean the toilet or cover it with paper; Inwardly you think that nothing would happen, but Your mother's voice echoes in your head * "You never sit in a public toilet, "and then you stay in the" little eagle position, "with your legs
Then because of a fault in the calculation of distances, a small thread of the jet spray jumps to the socks !!
With luck you do not wet your shoes ... adopting "the position" requires a great concentration and expertise.
To distance your mind from this disgrace, you look for the roll of paper , BUT is not there !!! Support is empty!
Then you pray to the heavens so that, among the 5 kilos of trinkets you have in the bag, hanging around the neck, there's a miserable tissue. Looking in your bag you have to release the door ... ???? Doubt a moment but You have no other remedy. And when you let the door go, someone pushes it. A bump in the head that leaves you half disoriented but quickly You have to lock it in a quick and jerky motion as you scream OCUPIIIIED !!
And so everyone who is waiting hears your message and you can already release the door without fear, no one will try to open it again (in this women have a lot of respect for each other).
You find the tissue paper !! It's all wrinkled, kind of like a roll, but that does not matter, you do everything to stretch it; You finally get it and clean yourself.
But the handkerchief is so old and worn that it no longer absorbs and soaks your whole hand; or I mean, it took a lot of effort to untangle the damn handkerchief with only one hand.
You hear the voice of another old woman in the same circumstances as you "Does anyone have a little piece of paper?" Stop it! Idiot!

The trip is ending

Not counting the headache from the bump of the door, the lynching of the handle of the suitcase, the sweat that runs down your forehead, your hand to flow, the memory of your mother that she would be ashamed if she saw you like this ... because she never touched in a public toilet, because, frankly, you do not know what diseases you can pick up, you can even get pregnant (remember ??) .... You're exhausted!
When you no longer feel your legs, you get very fast and pull the flushing with one foot, very important!
Then you go to the lavatory. Is everything full of water (or pee? Remember of the tissue ...), then you can let go the suitcase for a second, hang it on your shoulder; You do not know how the faucet works with automatic sensors, then you play until you get a splash of fresh water, and you get soap, you wash in a position from the hunchback of Notre Dame to ensure the suitcase does not slip and stay underwater.
You do not even use the dryer, it's useless crap, so in the end the hands in your pants - because you will not spend a tissue for this - and you get out ...

Outside

At that moment you see your boyfriend, or husband, who went in and out of the men's bath and still had time to read a book from Dan Brown while waiting for you.
"But why did you delay so long?" The idiot asks.
"There was a huge line," you say.
And this is the reason why women go in groups to the bathroom, for solidarity: one holds your suitcase and coat, the other the door and another one passes the tissue under the door, and so it is much more easy and fast, since you only have to concentrate on maintaining "the position" and "the dignity".

Thank you all for coming with me to the bathroom and serve as hanger or grab-doors! Pass this on to the men who always ask, "Darling, why did you take so long?
IDIOTS