Self forgiveness blog 6: hyper-focus and a sense of always having to do something

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to ‘rest on my laurels’ of feeling like I have done something, feeling like I am busy so I am doing something, having some sense of accomplishment because I’ve ‘got things going on’ and within this, not allowed myself to focus and stabilize myself within/as the act of writing

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to fully utilize the tool of writing, within the self realization that writing is one of the most grounding/stabilizing tools that I have at my disposal to get back to self here and focus on the present/what matters

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to gear my writing towards the development of business goals only, which is contextualizing my writing within the point of the desire to make money

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to take a big step back from this point of pursuing making money with business projects, and to actually prioritize the point of developing/sorting out ‘who I am within making money/business’ as this is critical

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to pick at my nose compulsively as some form of distraction/something to focus on that is pointless/diverting my attention from self here

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hope and desire for there to be something in this world that can save me - when I can only save myself, and that I am already at risk and thus the point is to risk everything in changing myself/doing what is best for all, NOT to hold on and try to save anything or anyone

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to get stuck in this sense of ‘what I am supposed to do’ which makes it difficult to move and go into new experiences because there is always this sense that there is something that I HAVE to do which restricts my ease of movement

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to go into this ‘hyper focused’ energy where I feel like I really have to ‘get something done’ - and within this energy, becoming very quiet and taciturn and uncommunicative

I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to open up more and be more communicate with my partner in sharing myself in a way that is exploratory and self reflective

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to feel/believe that I don’t have enough money - when in fact I don’t even know how much money is enough, and that I DO have enough for now but that it is a point that I have to walk and that there are no guarantees with it - just as there are no guarantees with life

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to have so much money that I never have to focus on making money ever again, and never have an incentive to move myself and expand myself, for that matter

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I have enough money to do everything I want and be taken care of for life, that everything will be ‘ok’

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that money is the answer to my problems, rather than to consider how it may limit my self expression and distract me from what needs attention/focus

I commit myself to let go of this sense of never having enough money and always needing more

I commit myself to let go of the desire to have enough money to never have to worry about money ever again for the rest of my life and never have to work/netWORK to live ever again

I commit myself to let go of this sense of having to ‘focus on something’/‘that there is a job to be done’ as this vague sense of needing to focus on or obsess over something as I see, realize and understand that this energy is fuelled by the fear of not having enough money for the future and everything that I would like to do for the future

I commit myself to focus more on getting in touch with myself

I commit myself to get in touch with me and what is taking place within/as me

I commit myself to let go of this sense of ‘hyper focus’ and simply focus on what is necessary to be done here and get back to self - self intimacy, looking inside of me, and working with/utilizing my body in hands-on activities that support me to be here as breath rather than only physical activities that pump up my mind and ego within this point of chasing money