Feeling helpless would be an understatement when it comes to my coding skillset.
People have told me over the years: "It's never too late to start", "today is better than tomorrow" and some other clichés. But I think my brain just isn't tuned for that or I feel like it's already at the point where it doesn't wanna learn anything new.
I've felt the same with languages, after the first few my brain was just like, nah I'm over that. (Sorry Finnish, although it didn't help that you're so awfully unique and limited)
There's often days that go by without any progress on things I'd want to see progress on and am literally unable to help it along because it's in a world where I don't know anything about. The sense of hoping others will finally get to it without being able to do anything myself is quite a frustrating one I've had to deal with a lot over the years.
Instead of just waiting around, doing research, working on other irrelevant things, I took some time to rethink things and have started doing something about the things I can change.
Now, naturally I won't be able to do it all by myself and I hope the community/other contributors will step up/exist later, but there's certain things I can do by myself and I wish I had started doing that earlier.
But I also understand that there needs to be moderation in things and as time has passed I feel I've been neglecting a lot of other important aspects of my life in favor of "tunnelvisioning" those few things I wanted done. It's gotten to a point where it's not just been my physical body feeling the neglect but also my mentality - and I guess that was enough for me to start thinking about the way I think and operate as of late.
I've never been much for moderation on Hive, I'd say I've given it about 80-90% of what I got the past decade and I guess there are some great results to prove that but that doesn't mean that's been the most efficient way to go about it.
I see a lot of people who are "barely here" and they still do okay. I see a lot of people who barely put in any effort and they still do okay.
That's one thing that kind of has been bugging me over the years and I swore early on that if I didn't give it (80-90% I suppose), I wouldn't accept the rewards I was getting on here or the positions of "power" in terms of inflation distribution and witness rank. But maybe I've been thinking about some of it the wrong way.
The way I've been going this past decade may have been a bit too "yolo".
Like, being into Hive for the long run should mean that I'd get to enjoy when we finally get to that point rather than being half the human I once was by then.
Either way, don't wanna make this post too depressing, but I'd wanna start doing some things a bit different from here on out. Work on the things I can work on while waiting for other things to fall into place when it does instead of constantly stressing over the process.
I'd also wanna work on my health a bit more, especially now that it's started eating at my sleep, which has been the one thing that's been somewhat okay once I do fall asleep I stay asleep - but that's changed lately and I'm not sure why. I've written about my weird sleeping patterns before, going to sleep only when I'm exhausted and I know I can fall asleep which some times meant going to bed 2-3 hours later every day and me basically telling the sun to fuck off as I don't abide by its rules. Guess the sun caught up to my dumb ways eventually.
I'll be posting about some changes in my life soon, but I'll also be posting about what exactly I'm doing and maybe not caring as much about the frequency of posts - I'm sure I can forfeit some rewards here and there to make up for the shitposts as I've done in the past.
Point being, I need to start being less full-time Hive and Zing for my well being. Try and limit it to a few hours every day while doing some other things I've been neglecting for way too long.
I will however post and log those activities just to see later how it all went and what kind of effects it maybe had on my health in another decade or so.
I've also started working on a story for Holozing recently. Set in the future where technology has continued doing its thing but AI has a bigger role than it does currently. I will probably write something about that as well and see if I can get some input/feedback before I move further with it. I'm kind of excited about it as it brings me back to some of my younger years when I got into some new anime that I really enjoyed and gave me that sense of wonder and possibilities, etc. I also like how unique our game is compared to many projects out there so if I can make the story just as unique I hope it'll be entertaining to some of you at least.