So here I am sitting at home writing about wrestling.
I had originally planned for this to be a very happy retrospective look at the past 9 months.
But that just wasn’t going to happen. Instead I woke up this morning asking myself why I had reached a point where I’m struggling to see the point of life. I have one love in this world and it’s slowly becoming tainted by people that like to play manipulative games and seedy individuals that exist to take advantage of the young hungry and ambitious.
My one true love is Professional Wrestling.
When you think of the term “Pro Wrestling” you may immediately think JOHN CENA! Or HULK HOGAN!!!!! !
The mainstay name is the WWE (World Wrestling Entertainment) a company which is seen as the promised land for professional wrestlers.
I am a Professional Wrestler. And I honestly I love this business to pieces. But I also hate it…and sometimes I hate everything else.
I have been fighting an uphill battle since age 9.
And that battle is…Mental health.
My name is SherlockCupid.
And I'm a 19 year old professional wrestler from Hackney.
I've been a sufferer of Mental Illness for the majority of my childhood, I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 17 and anxiety at age 18 which came far too late to help me with my struggling performances at school and made social interactions difficult.
Since the age of 9 I have been protesting to every "responsible adult" possible that "I don't feel right" as time passed I began to understand how I was feeling...I was suffering from anxiety I told those same adults that " I was constantly unhappy" and instead of getting treatment I was called lazy and consistently embarrassed in class by teachers and TAs. This made school pretty much untenable.
I've barely touched the surface of what I've been through (It’ll come give me time (: ) but let's just say I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy.
When I was 18 I decided to pursue a lifelong dream of becoming a Professional Wrestler. I wanted to be just like my heroes Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and CM Punk fast forward a 9 months....
And here I am.
Beginning my journey as a wrestler with great people and friends I could only dream of having. There is however one problem...As awesome as this sounds I just beat this constant opponent. I can defeat my arch nemeses my
lifelong foe.
Myself.
British Wrestling is at an all-time high.
And opportunities to “make it big” are few and far between. And I’d love to consider myself a hard working young man.
In reality I consider myself a loser and failure and at times I’ll love to fade away and classify myself as obsolete.
The reason why I wake up in the morning is because I want to wrestle. Without wrestling I highly doubt I’ll be alive.
My Anxiety and Depression are a tag team that don’t stop kicking until I’m down and I have to start from the bottom. Again. And Again.
My ADHD makes it nearly impossible to communicate my feelings effectively without saying something which doesn’t reflect my feelings in the slightest.
I’ll say something like
“I hate you” with the most disgusting tone possible yet mean it as a joke.
Yep! It doesn’t make sense. I can find myself calm and relaxed. The next I’m a raging inferno of anger which is aimed at nothing but damages everything.
I call myself an emotional Ferrari. (Happy to sad in 45 seconds)
Wrestling saves me from myself.
I can truly express all of my emotions and all of my feelings in that ring.
I can yell. I can scream. I can punch and kick to my heart’s content.
I find myself free when I’m in the ring, free from life and its pains.
And I’m determined to not let my mental health pin me and what I think is a very promising career in this business. 1 2 3.
I want to love the world. I do. But sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever let it love me.
Deuces.