GIRLS HATE WRESTLING [018 | WHOAH! HELL IN A CELL!]
Girls Hate Wrestling is a blog run by a girl, who in fact, LOVES pro-wrestling. This was originally an idea for a youtube series with my best friend, but that never happened. Now it's a blog of me channeling my love of a testosterone fueled soap opera of greased up men in underwear battling to lay on top of each other for 3 seconds... sometimes for a belt.
[DING DING DING]
Hell In A Cell took place on Sunday, October 8th, 2017 in Detroit at the Little Caesar's Arena. It was a Smackdown exclusive ppv, with two HIAC matches and four titles on the line. This was a DAMN GOOD ppv. Probably one of my favorites this year. I am shocked and impressed and the follow up Smackdown was pretty alright. I've had a rough week, but here's another round of GHW. This is going to seem sloppy but I've set up a bit of a work station to take notes live during the ppv (and a few rewatches for detail!) Let's dig in!
Kick-off Match
Hype Bros vs Chad Gable and Shelton Benjamin
Hype Bros taking it to Gable to start things off. Zack goes up against Shelton. Shelton beats up Zack and Mojo's getting upset. Back from commerical, Gable lands suplex on Zack, tag to Shelton. Zack fights back, and there's a beat down in the corner from Gable. Shelton tagged in. Zack fights Shelton off the top rope and takes him down. Tag to both corners, Mojo rolling down Gable. Gable goes for a cross body but gets caught by Mojo. Kickout! Missed splash in the corner. Gable rolls up, Kickout by Mojo. Gable tries a moonsault off the top rope, lands on his feet. Suplex, moonsault, kickout by Mojo. Tag to Shelton, and a double team. Gable takes out Zack off apron. Mojo kicks out. Mojo's getting HYPED. Tag to Zack. Missed double team. Shelton goes for pin, Mojo breaks it up. Mojo thrown out. Shelton tag to Gable, double team on Zack. Hype Bros lose.
Tag Team Championship INSIDE HELL IN A CELL
The New Day vs The Usos
Apparently Xavier is in-ring and Kofi is at ringside. Kendo sticks and chairs already out. New Day's taking it to The Usos. Big E eats shit against the cage. Jimmy Uso's smashing Xavier into the cell. All four of bodies going everywhere! New days uses some instruments as weapons, that stupid trombone gets detroyed. Xavier goes up top, going after one Uso, eats a chair to the face from other. Kendo sticks against E, “WE WANT TABLES!” Xavier smushed in the corner from a kendo stick, and smash from The Usos. Big E overhead belly to belly suplex. Big E dumps an Uso off the apron into Xavier, conveniently with knees up for a backbreaker. Xavier up top, Up Up Down Down tries to connect but no. Xavier grabs like 6 kendo sticks. One Uso is trapped in the corner with 4 kendo sticks. One Uso face first on the steps. Xaiver was on the ringpost about to do destruction. Jey got free from the corner and saves his bro. “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” Usos double splash on Big E off top rope. Kickout. Big E gets handcuffed to the apron. Xavier gets strung up by the handcuffs on the ringpost and the uses beat him with kendo sticks in front of kofi’s face.
They turn their attack back to Big E and he turns up the heat on the Usos. Belly to belly to Jey. Then run slams Jimmy into two cell walls, taking them both down the second time. Big E hit Big Endings, cover and kickout. Jey’s almost locked in a submission and Jimmy super kicks the hell outta Big E. Double Uce, cover and X breaks up the pin. Kendo sticks to X and he nerd rages on them, still handcuffed. STEEL CHAIR. Usos set up for Double Uce, NEW TAG CHAMP, THE USOS.
Singles Match
Randy Orton vs Rusev
Lock up and Rusev shoulder tackles Orton. Randy goes for an RKO early. Rusev backs Orton into the corner with shoulder tackles. Orton bounces off the ropes, plants Rusev and proceeds to stomp about. Rusev tries to roll under the bottom rope and Orton went for Vintage Orton, Rusev counters and throws Orton into the barricade. Rusev hits a fall-away slam on Orton into the barricade. Back in the ring Rusev cover, kickout. Rusev starts to take a bit of control. Rusev gets Orton in a chin-lock. Counters out with a headbutt and straight right hands. Rusev catches Orton off the ropes with a spinning heel kick. Outside, Orton dumps Rusev back-first on the barricade. Rusev throws Orton back in the ring, dominating this part of the match. Rusev throw Orton into the corner and Rusev eats the ringpost when Orton dodges the strike. Orton pops Rusev with a few rights. Lays out Rusev with some clotheslines. Goes for a scoop slam, Rusev scouted, went for an RKO, scouted, then nails a Power slam. Rusev rolls under and Orton sets up Vintage Orton, Rusev counters with a fall-away slam. Rusev attempts the Accolade and Orton rolls out of the ring. Orton catches a kick to the chin and crumples. Rusev goes for a second rope splash, but nobody home. VINTAGE ORTON! Rusev tries to counter into the Accolade and Orton hits an RKO outta nowhere. RKO wins!
United States Championship Triple Threat
AJ Styles vs Baron Corbin vs Tye Dillinger
Tye was added to this, making it a Triple Threat, during the Kick-off show. Tye and AJ after Baron, he rolls outside. “WHERES YOUR BRIEFCASE?” AJ and Tye beatdown on Baron back inside the ring. Baron gets thrown outside and Tye tries for a rollup on AJ. They go back and forth a bit with pinfall attempts. AJ levels Tye with a dropkick. Baron rips AJ outta the ring by the ankles and now Baron and Tye tussle. Tye gets racked on the top rope and AJ pops up to go after Baron. The crowd keeps chanting about the briefcase. Baron starts a path of dumb destruction on AJ as Tye’s outside. Baron launches AJ halfway across the ring like a maniac. Tye’s back in and monkey flips AJ and AJ lands on his feet. Baron crashes into Tye with a clothesline, then Jj is flung into Tye and then slide-slammed into the ringpost. Baron’s beating up Tye in the ring. AJ starts fighting Baron outside the ring, and AJ eats the barricade. Tye’s trying to hard to out power Baron and Baron goes for a cover. AJ’s fighting back in the match and gets caught by Baron midair. So Baron goes back to beating up Tye. Tye’s dumped outside and AJ starts wailing away on Baron. Jj fucking wrecks Baron with his cool punch, kick spinny clothesline. AJ hits and Enziguri and a forearm on Baron. Jj tries for Styles clash and Baron flips him over and baron's outside. Tye’s back in and hits a back body drop on AJ, popping AJ in the corner and knocks Baron back outside. Tye went top rope for a superplex (?) and AJ sneaks through. Tye rolls down his knee pad for Tye Breaker, AJ goes for styles clash, Tye counters and goes for a cover, AJ rolls through to a calf crusher on Tye. Baron pulls Tye out of the submission to save the match in triple threat rules. AJ comes flying with a Phenomenal Forearm.
Baron throws AJ into the ringpost, Baron puts Tye in the ring and there’s some sneaky pin attempts. Baron plants Tye with Deep 6 and AJ fights back into the ring. AJ goes for a forearm off the top rope, caught in a chokeslam backbreaker from Baron and still kicks out. They all trade splashes in the corner. Tye hits a few super kicks, AJ hits a pelee kick and lays Tye flat over Baron for a cover and he kicks out. Baron’s laid out after hitting the ringpost and AJ hits a 450splash and Tye breaks up the pin. AJ and Tye battle and AJ hits Phenonemal forearm. Baron throws AJ out of the ring and LITERALLY STEALS THE PIN and...
Baron steals the title…
Smackdown Women's Championship
Natalya vs Charlotte Flair
Quick little write up here. Wrestling Royalty feud. Charlotte goes for a quick roll up. Natty shoves Charlotte and she turns it around for another quick rollup. Charlotte taunts natty with classic Ric moves. Natty starts a beat down on Charlotte’s left knee for the whole match. Charlotte does manage a few good jabs but Natty had this one dominated. Natty gets herself DQ with a chair shot on Charlotte. charlotte wins by technicality but the title doesn't change hands, so Natty's still champ.
FASHION FILES
[I forgot to find a photo for FASHION FILES, sorry! I love them, really.]
“2B case” is closed. Ascension shows up in disguise, fashion files open the case again. They insult the Ascension. They take off their disguises and it’s really sad. Knock on the door and a briefcase is there. Pulp Fashion this week!
WWE Championship
Jinder Mahal with The Singh Brothers vs Shinsuke Nakamura
I apologize. I TRIED to actually watch this match like 5 times. I can't stay focused. I love Nakamura but fucking Jinder, man. I can't watch him wrestle. Jinder is super boring to watch Nakamura probably did some cool stuff if he wasn't in a shitty “chin-lock” The Singh Bros are fucky, as usual and get themselves ejected. The referee is distracted during the pin attempt and Jinder gets his hand on the rope. Rolls outside. Shinsuke gets fucked. Hit with Khallas and pinned. Jinder retains. Fucking LAME.
Singles Match
Dolph Ziggler vs Bobby Roode
This is some damn good quick, technical, wrestling. Weird Dolph sleeper hold - whatever - back to good technical wrestling from both. Another sleeper from Dolph. A few back and forth roll through holding the tights.
Bobby wins but Dolph hits a nasty ZigZag.
HELL IN A CELL FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
Shane McMahon vs Kevin Owens
So, I accidentally had caps lock on while I was frantically typing along as this unfolded before my eyes. This post has taken me days, and I can't be bothered to re-write it with proper capitalization. Sorry, yo. This match shocked and impressed me in ways and I saw a lot that I wanted. But seriously, Thank you Shane. Stay outta the ring now bud. You've done it all. KO, I still hate you. But that was cool, or something.
SHANE AND KO FIGHT OUTSIDE THE CELL. SHANE JUMPS OFF THE BARRICADE. THEY HAVEN'T EVEN BEEN LOCKED IN THE CELL YET. KO GOES INSIDE HIAC WITHOUT SHANE. SHANE KICKS THE DOOR INTO KO’S FACE. LOCKED IN!
SHANE LAUNCHED INTO THE CELL TWICE. KO'S TAUNTING SHANE'S KIDS AT RINGSIDE. SHANE INTO THE STEPS. KO MOSTLY DOMINATING FOR AWHILE. -ANNOYED- KO HITS A CANNONBALL. PIN ATTEMPT, KICKOUT. KO IS CONTINUALLY TAUNTING SHANE'S KIDS. KO TOPE ROPE, SENTON, KNEES UP! SHANE BACKS KO INTO CORNER. A FLYING ELBOW LEVELS KO. SHANE HITS A FUCKING BEAUTIFUL DDT. “YOU STILL GOT IT” CHANTS. SHANE TOP ROPE, SHOOTING STAR PRESS, NOBODY HOME. KO TOP ROPE, SPLASH, COVER, KICKOUT. KO GOES FOR POP UP POWERBOMB, COUNTERS INTO A TRIANGLE ARM BAR, NOT FULLY LOCKED IN. KO SLIDES OUTTA THE RING. SHANE GOT HIM IN ANOTHER TRIANGLE. KO POWERBOMBS SHANE INTO STEPS. PIN ON THE STEPS, 2 COUNT. KO GRABS A TABLE. AND SETS IT UP IN THE CORNER OF THE CELL. SHANE MOVES AND KO CANNONBALLS HIMSELF INTO THE TABLE FROM THE APRON. “HOLY SHIT” CHANTS. SHANE WITH A COVER, KICKOUT. SHANE WHACKS KO WITH HALF THE TABLE A FEW TIMES. TRASHCAAAAAAAN!! SHANE SETTING UP COAST TO COAST. NAILS IT!!!! COVER, KO FOOT ON THE ROPE. (THERE’S NO ROPE BREAK IN HIAC? FUCK OFF REF.) SHANE CUTS THE LOCK ON THE DOOR. SHANE SMASHES KO WITH THE TRASHCAN A FEW TIMES. KO OUT OF THE CELL. KO HIT A LOW BLOW INTO A DDT ON THE RAMP. KO RACKS SHANE ON CELL DOOR. KO HITS SHANE WITH MONITOR. SETTING UP FOR A BUSTED ANNOUNCE TABLE. KO GETS OFF THE BARRICADE AND STARTS TO CLIMB HIAC. OOOOO COPYING SHANE'S LAST HIAC ARE WE? GREAT. KO IS FREAKING OUT ON TOP OF THE CELL. SHANE IS CLIMBING UP THE CELL. BOTH ON THE ROOF. DUKING IT OUT. SHANE POWERBOMBS KO TWICE. “THIS IS AWESOME” CHANTS. SUPLEX TO KO ON THE ROOF. KO KICK TO SHANE AND A SENTON. KO WENT FOR A POWERBOMB, SHANE REVERSED. KO WITH A POWERBOMB. KO TRIES TO THROW SHANE, SHANE SLIDE DODGES THAT SHIT. KO'S A LITTLE BITCH AND STARTS TO CLIMB BACK DOWN, SHANE GRABS HIM. THEY'RE BOTH CLIMBING DOWN AND THROWING PUNCHES AND KICKS. SHANE SMASHES KO'S FACE OFF THE CELL WALL, KO SLAMS THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE.
SHANE DRAGS KO ONTO ANOTHER TABLE, HEADBUTT. DOES THE UNDERETAKER THROAT SLIT THUMB THING, SHANE CLIMBS UP THE CELL. ON TOP OF THE CELL, KO LAID OUT ON THE TABLE. SHANE THROUGH THE TABLE, KO DRUG OUT OF THE WAY BY SAMI ZAYN. WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCK!!!! EMTS OUT FOR SHANE. SAMI DRAGGING KO OVER TO SHANE. SAMI DEMANDS THE REF COUNT THE PIN. KO WINS.
Guys, This ppv was great. I enjoyed the HELL out of HELL IN A CELL. The live note taking was pretty cool but also hard to do wwith my setup, so I hope you guys liked this combo play-by-play/color commentary bit of GHW to wrap up HIAC.
Keep it a Jabroni Free Zone!
[DING DING DING]
