It was a rather cold morning. Sade felt like not rising from the bed, but she had to. There are chores that she had to finish before going to school and she had to set forth at dawn. She had to sweep the whole compound. But before then, there was something she had to do; an errand she hated to run. But since there was no one else to run it, she has to do it. The task was getting food for her mother’s goat. It entailed going around at dawn, knocking on doors to inquire if there is Eeri for sale. Eeri is the shaft derived from the sieving process of grounded maize paste: the derivative of the complex process of making pap. Eeri was popular food for goats in Yorubaland.
Sade mused on possible alternative food for goats. There should have been other foods for goats but the trees in the town had all given way to mighty buildings. There was no one to protect them. There was a Tree Protection Council in the town that nobody listened to. The council members were like toothless dogs that could not bite. They could only advise the people and all their advice went unheeded. The council members resorted to making money for themselves by inflating the costs of the messages placed in the mass media towards the protection of trees; since the propaganda fund was taken care of by the Local Government. There were few trees left in the town and they were far apart. There were no leaves for goats to eat.
Goats also love cassava peelings, but once the people discovered the many other uses of cassava and its peelings, everything related to cassava had become very expensive. Cassava peelings used to be free for the asking that one could visit a Garri Mill with big sacs to get peelings without a dime. By the time of these events, however, cassava peelings had become more expensive than Eeri.
Goats also cherish beans-shells, but farmers in the region had jettisoned beans-farming. Imported beans were cheaper and easier to cook and the merchants had flooded the market with truckloads of the imported beans, making the local beans less economical to cultivate. The imported beans come in clean bags, already winnowed. Thus, beans-shells were unavailable for goats’ consumption. Goats had to manage, even humans were managing to survive with the needs of the time.
Sade persuaded herself to get up, fearing retributions that waited for her at the Municipal School gate if she gets there late, yet there are a lot to do before setting out for school. So, she set out that fateful dawn to get Eeri for Omolaike, her mother’s nanny goat.
Omolaike was three years old and had undergone the process of kidding twice. It was shiny-black with bilateral distention of its abdomen clearly manifest. It was broad-backed with rather short horns and legs. It was as sturdy as it was stubborn. It was the unchallenged “Captain” of “Goats’ Guild” on Surulere Street. Save for some bigger goats that wander intermittently from the nearby streets, Omolaike feared no ordinary goats.
After an arduous search, Sade was able to procure six big balls of Eeri for Omolaike. She hastily went to the backyard to serve Omolaike its breakfast. The backyard of the house shared by Sade with her family is the patio at the front of their neighbour’s house. The two houses shared this space in between them. The shed that housed Omolaike was built of metal and corrugated iron roofing sheets at a corner of the little strip of land that belonged to the two families. Sade always ensured that the shed was clean to avoid the ire of the second family who would report her to her mother and the wrath that their complaint would bring to her from her mother.
She released the goat from the shed by unlocking the door of the shed and set the meal before it. It refused to eat. It was habitual for Sade to wait with Omolaike to prevent bigger goats from sharing in its breakfast – an habit she had picked up since Omolaike was a mere kid. Omolaike needed no guardian by then, but she had waited that morning too, but Omolaike would not eat. “Maybe the goat is sick” thought Sade. She pulled one of Omolaike’s legs, shaking it gently. The goat kicked her. It even head-butt her.
“What is wrong with this goat, this early morning?” Sade wondered aloud. “Is it running mad?” she was surprised. “You better eat your food on time or I’ll leave and bigger goats would come to eat all of it” she threatened and made to leave. The goat butted her again. She was enraged and retorted hotly. “You want to be beaten this morning? Silly goat!”
‘You’re the silly one’ the goat replied gently. Sade was nonplussed. She had it in mind to run then, but she could not move a muscle. Then the goat continued;
‘You eat variety of food every day, yet you bring me Eeri every day, how is that fair?’
Sade could not reply, she rather searched the surroundings to see if it was the neighbours that were playing pranks on her but no one else was around. She faced the goat then, she rubbed her eyes, thinking to herself, “I am certainly dreaming! The goat can’t speak; it can’t possibly speak to me”. She turned to leave then, but the goat continued with its accusations.
‘Don’t leave yet, you humans are unfaithful and selfish; was Christmas not two weeks ago? Was it fair? Was it fair that the Alades slaughtered their he-goat, a jolly fellow that had ever been faithful to them; never wandering like the others. And they knew fully-well that the faithful goat was the only male remaining on this street. Should we go to rams to sire our kids? ....’
“But goats bleat, goats don’t speak! You can’t be speaking to me. Just shut up and be a proper goat, okay?” Sade replied, already worked up.
‘I won’t take it!’ Omolaike retorted.
“Then, do your worst! If you want to starve to death, go ahead! At least, that would spare me the effort of waking up at dawn daily, finding food for you....” Sade was reeling, livid with rage.
‘I just want to send you to humanity, about the coming day of the goats. That wondrous day when goats, all over the world, would revolt; when all the Ewu joint operators, all the Nkwobi Chefs and Suya Mallams shall have causes to weep....’
“How does that concern me?” asked Sade.
‘Listen and listen good Sade! When that day shall come, all goats eaten at Christmas shall rise again; those murdered for Isi-Ewu shall rise for revenge; the ones used for rituals shall resurrect: the Esuro goats shall chase the butcher to the Diviner’s place. That would be a terrible day for humans. Their heads shall roll. Human heads shall be lost to goats’ blades...’ Omolaike was boasting.
“When shall all these things manifest?” Sade inquired.
‘When the rain is over, you know it is time for Mangoes; when you see urchins setting fire to dry bushes, you know that rats would leave their abodes. Solemnly I tell you, Osinbajo would not have finished his second-term till all these things come to pass...’ Omolaike was explaining.
“What are your plans? Can a group of goats ever overthrow humans?” Sade asked rather impatiently.
‘The revolt shall start when you humans are most relaxed. They will say “peace”, but then, right then, we shall strike like lightening. Every household’s goat shall become its enemy. Let she who has ears among you heed this warning of Omolaike.’ The goat submitted.
“You are just bunch of silly billy and nanny goats; you can do nothing to humans” Sade objected.
‘Just wait and see, I am warning you for I appreciate your gestures borne of love towards me; for every morning, you wake at dawn to fetch food for me, even as your mother does not care about my welfare. I am not yet angry. I just want reconciliation and justice. I, therefore, want to use this medium to tell you this; that from now on, I would not eat Eeri again. You must serve me from the common family pot, for I consider myself bona fide member of this family. I was born here like you were....’ Omolaike was reeling off.
Sade started laughing then. She laughed hard, mirthfully at the onset, but when she wished to stop, she could not. She fought for control, battling to make herself stop laughing but she could not stop.
Omolaike would speak no more, but Sade could not stop laughing.
Anike came to the backyard to check on her daughter. The house was due to be swept. She just discovered that the house had not been swept and that was why she had come for her erring daughter; “would she feed the goat all day?” but she met Sade laughing.
“Why are you laughing like someone insane this early morning?” Anike inquired. But Sade could not reply for she cannot stop laughing. Anike shouted for help on top of her voice. The neighbourhood stirred and neighbours trooped to the scene. There was murmurings, there were whisperings, there were wailings; eventually Sade was bind with new ropes. Rasaki, the Danfo Driver brought his bus about, and Sade travelled with them to the Psychiatric Hospital in Abeokuta. Sade is still laughing. She who laughed last, laughed best indeed**