❖ Chapter 5 - Undecidedly ❖
If you haven't read the first part (prologue) of this story please click here
If you would like to view the Table of Contents where the links to chapters 1-3 are, click here
*it's recommended that you read the previous chapters before this so you have more context :)
Days have passed since Raven confronted us about her plans. It's safe to say that we've all been avoiding her. Right now, she's looking at me bitterly from across the room. I'm sitting with Grace, doing nothing in particular. Raven's gaze irks me and all I want is for her to stop staring at me as if I've done something crucially wrong. "Is Raven creeping you out?"
Grace's soft voice brings me out of my daze. I look back at her with eyes of confusion. "We should talk to her shouldn't we...?" I say it more to myself than to Grace. She looks at me with slight understanding, but I don't even understand myself. What would I say to Raven? Do I want to escape the Blackbox? How can I trust what Raven says is true? I mean, she's quiet all the time and then one day she opens her mouth and contradicts everything we've ever been taught. "What are we supposed to do Grace? Do you want to escape?" I ask Grace for her opinion, hoping it will somehow help me with mine. Grace looks unsure. "I want to see more of the world. I remember nothing before the Blackbox, and I know there's more out there and-" Grace cuts herself short as if she's said something she shouldn't have and she glances at me nervously. I nod at her in understanding. "Well if you want to escape the Blackbox the next so do I." I feel like it's an easier decision to make if I convince myself that Grace made it. "Then... lets go talk to Raven." I rise from my chair indicating that we should go, but Grace stays seated. "What about the boys? Will we leave them here?" I hadn't thought about the boys coming. I don't even think they want to come. They're all to old happy with their somewhat restricted lifestyle. But I suppose if Grace wants the, to come, they can. "Alright Grace. Go get them, but if they don't want to come I'm not going out of my way to convince them." And with that I set off towards Raven who has abandoned the act of glaring at me and is now playing absentmindedly with her fingers. My figure casts a shadow on Raven as I approach her. She gives me yet another dirty look. "Are you here to tell me I'm crazy? Because I already know, Serene. I'll get out of here myself and you can all rot while I finally get to live the life I deserve." I'm unfazed by Raven's hostility, at this point it's become a part of my life. I sit down cross legged beside her. "Grace and I want to come with you, actually. And she's trying to convince the boys if then want to come too." Raven raises an eyebrow at me. "What changed your mind?" I can tell she's still dubious about my intentions. But I want to give this a try. "I guess the Blackbox is so routine to me, I want to try something new." My reasoning sounds pretty good to me but Raven doesn't seem to agree. "It's not just something you try. This means leaving. Forever. As in, we're never coming back." I can see that it irritates Raven that we don't 'understand' escaping like she does."
"Raven cut the hostility for a moment. We're both working towards the same goal." I don't like how she thinks she can talk down to me like I'm a child. Raven always says exactly what's on her mind and I must say, it feels good to stand up to he right in some way. "The same goal indeed. I know why I want it. Do you?" And again I feel bad because Raven and Grace have it all figured out. I realize, I'm just tagging along for the ride. I feel ashamed to admit it, but I don't even know what I want.
I'm still sitting on the floor in silence when Raven stands up and walks over to the conditioning rooms, as if she's couldn't have done that when we weren't having a conversation. I stand up too. I turn around to face the wall that had apparently opened up for Raven. I press my palm against its cool shiny surface. I imagine someone behind the screen watching, making notes. I trace the word 'hate' on the wall, then I slump back down into a sitting position with my head in my hands. For some reason, I hope they saw me do it. And I hope it made them mad.
Chapter 6 coming soon!
if you have questions or anything like that, please leave them in the comments!
- Ally O