A few months ago, I fell in love. Again. I recognized the feelings from before, but I believed them anyway. Even though I know (and am hopefully ready to really face the fact) that men, and falling in love are addictions for me, things I use when I don't want to really face myself. At first, it was all smiles and first kisses and dreams of the future. It was all imaginary. I made it all up. We had to break up a couple weeks ago and it was horrible. I was lucky that my partner was open-minded enough to let me date someone else for a while, and lucky that my darlin' was okay with me having someone else at home. My first real attempt at polyamory (or, as my sister calls it poly-amore) was stressful as hell but beautiful too. This picture is from an open mic night. I read some of my poems and he sang some of his songs that night. Here's the poem:
Your songs
Make me miss you
And miss everything
We never had.
Driving with the curves of the mountain,
My heart aches for
Something that was never real.
Fantasies of you and me and Sweet Appalachia:
Clothelines and creekbeds,
Children and fresh bread,
Moonlit music on the porch.
All of it only in my head,
strongest when I heard you sing.
And darlin',
The visions are so sweet, you know,
But they’re gone now, and I am sad
Like all the songs that you write, my love.
