The topic of dependencies and the need for setting boundaries is very popular today. But, unfortunately, it is often we have to to observe how this topic is treated, including by those who are far from a professional approach to this issue. They try to explain by the presence of dependence any problems in relations and immediately give advice on how to get out of these relations, having previously built boundaries the size of the Great Wall of China. Such an approach is unlikely to bring much benefit in the matter of personal growth and solving internal psychological problems, but it can create significant difficulties not only for individuals, but also for society as a whole.
Nevertheless, the topic not only lives, but also build momentum, that says about the approval of such an approach by society. In my opinion, there is some kind of manipulation. The principle of "divide and conquer", which is one of the oldest practices of the manipulative management approach.
But let's to see on it order.
Let's start with the personality. No matter how far we have advanced along the path of evolution, the human being was and remains a social being. Our development requires not only the elaboration of our personal internal problems, but also the development of communication skills with other people. As it is impossible to learn to ride a horse theoretically, so it is impossible to learn to communicate theoretically. Running away every time from relationships that do not suit us, we do not gain any skills, including the skills of setting borders, because in the absence of the counterparty it is not clear how to do this.
I will try to explain how this happens. For example, a woman wants to find a man for family relationships. She takes care of her appearance, visits the gym, reads books on the psychology of relationships. But if she does not communicate with men, her skills are worth nothing. If every time when it seems to her that a man violates her borders, she will run away from relationships, she will never learn to regulate these borders. This applies to any relationship. You can also change your job all the time when you do not know how to build relationships with colleagues; You can change your place of residence all the time when you do not know how to build relationships with your neighbors. And your communication skills will remain undeveloped.
But coaches continue to bend their line: Run from dependent relationships! Set boundaries! Learn to make your own interests a priority! The label "dependent" immediately "stuck" to any complex relationship. What do we have in the end? We have a society consisting of people who do not know how to communicate. These people can be any intellectually developed, but any communication puts them to flight.
And you know what? Such a society is very easy to manage. These people will never be able to unite to repel unjust power. And in private life, the borders placed on all sides are unlikely to make a person happy, because there is not always a daredevil ready to climb through the walls he has erected. So one day you can find yourself in a high well erected by your own hands.
