My mother often says "Be so strong that you would never need anyone", "Be so strong that nobody can hurt you", "Be so strong that you are happy alone". I ask myself if being strong meant being devoid of emotions. I asked myself if being strong meant being heartless, cold, lonely, unattached and invulnerable.
I remember when I fell apart, I opened up to someone I trusted a little too much. I remember she said, "Ah, don't cry. Pretend like it didn't matter to you ever. Pretend like your heart was never broken". I looked at her with disbelief. How would it ever heal me—to never accept that I am sad but pretend like I am unattached to everything? Why can't people just accept that they are sad when they are broken? Why do they behave like they have let go a long time ago even when they cry alone at night? If it's bothering us, that alone means that it has mattered to us. And if it mattered, it was important. Just because we are broken, doesn't mean that we are losers. We are losers only if we fail to stop growing and stick on the very chapter for a long time.
Someone told me once, "I am very practical. I am very career oriented, that's why I left love. I can't care about people and everything". Being practical doesn't mean that you change yourself to some asshole who behaves like they have zero time to invest in something that involve emotions but you are open to 'no strings attached'. Being strong means you can handle your emotions and make a balance between your life and the rumblings of your mind.
Jeanine Joy once said, "Human societies train people to "keep a stiff upper lip" and to "be strong" by which they mean the person should endure negative emotions. This is bad advice. Several branches of science have been studying human thriving. The results, when compiled, point to the fact that people thrive when they feel emotionally good and suffer when they do not."
We don't grow weak because we open up to people or cry easily. If we cry, it means that something has broken us a little too much inside that we can't hush the feelings; it comes in form of tears in our eyes.
And no, being cold is NEVER a synonym for being strong.
Being strong is acceptance, accepting that we are a little broken but still we are not giving up. There's nothing so huge that it could make us surrender—that is being strong. Being strong is keeping oneself first, respecting oneself the most, and understanding what we truly deserve.
Please, do not be try to be someone with no feelings just so that nobody hurts you.
Please, do not break your own heart so that nobody break yours.
You melt down into tears—that isn't some revelation. We are all born weak, growing strong everyday and still living. And that alone is huge.