Yesterday, a post on RantHQ pose a question of “Ladies: would you love to marry a man like your dad?” and vice versa for the guy. About 75% of the responses there were NEGATIVE. Oh yes, a lot of people especially the ladies screamed NO! NEVER! GOD FORBIDS! I WILL RATHER REMAIN SINGLE! Please, don’t ask me mine either just read till the end. Well, individual experiences with one’s parent differs, while some might have been that of intimacy, affection, love, pure bliss, some may have had a terrible experience with one or both parents: violence, hatred, severe unnecessary punishment, hunger, poverty and the likes. So, whatever their take, we shouldn’t read it with anger rather of sympathy, empathy and understanding.
The rate at which marital issues; divorce is on the increase is quiet alarming thereby having negative effect on children and the society. Nobody ever prays for a short lived marriage even if on contract. I mean, why would anyone expect divorce after spending so huge (money, time and energy) to put up a colorful marriage beginning from engagement party to family introduction to Pre-Wedding pictures to bridal showers to bachelor’s eve to traditional marriage/white wedding to reception and then to honey money?
The causes of divorce ranges from minor issues such as how toothpaste should be used to rampant issues such as infidelity, bad characters or revealed character of one’s partner. Be that as it may, many marriages still survive amidst the individual difference and only wise people know that the secret to sustainability in marriage is our differences. Our differences make us more compatible than our similarities in as much as it is not toxic to our partner.
Personally, I wouldn’t love to marry a man like my dad not because he wasn’t rich or famous, not because he was ugly, not because he wasn’t good enough rather because I wouldn’t want my child to have such experience with his dad, no, not for whatever reason. I bet you, with my level of enlightenment about relationship (not negative), I wouldn’t even be my mum enough to put up with him for a month. Hence, the cycle might just be on repeat; broken home. I will marry my husband not my dad kind because I am not my mum.
For those who had a good experience with their parent, don’t go in search of them in someone like them and don’t expect your partner to act like them, else you might never find one unless you want to recreate them, but even as at that, no two persons can ever be the same in character, looks and thinking. Marry your husband not your mum’s husband (viseversa), you are not her. If you must wish for someone like your parents, then be prepared to be like someone’s else’s parent, too. I should have my own kind of marriage and partner not my parents' own. You can work it out in being the best partner when you learn to understand the uniqueness in each of us, saving our children the trauma of bad parental upbringing.