With the release of my new book, I've decided to share some fun, interesting, informative and downright bizarre adventures from my years working in the movie business. This is one of the annoying ones...
HOMELESS AND HUNGRY
One of the first films I worked on was a little movie called In The Shadows: Someone's Watching. It was a made-for-TV feature starring Joan Van Ark (Knots Landing), Daniel J. Travanti (Hill Street Blues), Christopher Noth (well before Sex and the City) and Rick Springfield (you remember he was an actor, too, right?).
While working on this utterly forgettable low budget show, one evening I was sent out for second meal. Second meal is usually the third time a crew is fed on a day that’s running long. We were given breakfast when we arrived, lunch/dinner six hours into the shoot and if we ran six hours more, another meal would be provided. Generally, films try to avoid it for this very reason (and the fact that is often necessitates starting later the following day to afford everyone a full night’s sleep).
With little time to prepare for this late meal, I was sent to find some quick eats with a couple hundred bucks in my pocket. I ended up at a McDonald’s and had to wait a while as they prepared my not inconsiderable order. By the time I returned to set, the day had wrapped and I had a car stinking with a few dozen bags of fast food that was now destined to go to waste. Someone had the stellar idea that I give to the homeless. As I was staying in Venice, I actually knew there were plenty of homeless people in that area and despite being exhausted from the long day, I agreed to undertake said humanitarian deed.
(Note: This was more than two decades ago when you actually could throw a rock in Venice and not hit a homeless person – but then, why waste the rock?)
A while later, I was walking Venice Beach around midnight with my arms full of still-warm McDonald’s yumminess. For some reason, on this particular night, I had a hard time finding where the L.A. downtrodden were malingering. I finally saw a small group of four men who were clearly my target audience for this mission. I approached them with my bounty and relayed their good fortune for the evening, offering almost limitless cheeseburgers and chicken nuggets.
An unusual silence waned after making my offer. Finally, the leader of the group (or at the least the only one who deemed me worthy of a response) replied with, “Well, we're not interested. We're all vegetarians.” No bullshit. That was his reaction. Not even a “Thanks, but no thanks,” almost as though I'd tortured and killed chicken in his name to offer his group this evil feast. And as though I wasn't feeling belittled enough, the fucking guy added insult to injury with, “Do you have any salads?” Seriously.
Without a word, I expeditiously deposited the uneaten buffet in the nearby trash cans. If I'd had rope, a baseball bat and gasoline in my car, I might have gone all Fisher King on their ungrateful asses, but I refrained and, the fact of the matter was, at that particular moment, I just wanted nappage!
Film Schooling by Christopher Robin Hood is now available on Amazon.com!