Besides my night terrors as a child and the eerie feeling under the stairs, the scariest thing I saw was the Grinch. There was something about his diabolical smile at the thought of making someone else miserable that completely creeped me out. His face contorted and the corresponding goosebumps down my body turned me off from watching the show. Seeing someone that miserable and his corresponding actions discouraged me from waiting until the happy ending and/or wanting to see it. Earlier this week I had a conversation where I almost thought I met a Grinch-in-Training.
Remember my earlier article When do friendships end? where I exposed my struggle with my girlfriend? As a recap, we had been going through a dry spell where we didn’t communicate as much as we did before - usually bi-monthly. There was this unspoken angst and distance that neither of us could pinpoint until recently.
Our silence of months was broken by a text from her the day before her birthday. This was interesting timing for she has some warped perceptions regarding her place in people’s lives. This way she preempt any perceived slight surrounding her birthday. This could have all been done unconsciously which made it even more fascinating.
Knowing that her birthday was the next day, I had mentally already decided that I would call her on her birthday. Seeing the text I smiled and responded with kind words in return for she stated that she missed me. Now she will never know if I was going to contact her on her birthday without her contacting me first. That discovery may have done some good.
After a couple of brief texts, she asked if we could chat one day this week. I agreed and told her the time I would be available. After experiencing some new software, we were able to video chat for four hours. The bottom line was that she was miserable and that was what shifted our relationship. Now the fact that she's miserable is not the basis of our disintegrated relationship; it's the fact that she keeps whining like a victim about it. That may sound very harsh and it would out of context. What makes this the exception is that she was the first to hammer people with how their sucky realities were their own creation. Inevitably there was this declaration and almost a "wiping of hands" from the situation for she made damn sure they knew the accountability laid on them. This was the cause for the shift for on the drive to our girls weekend she started to spew about her negative reality with zero accountability. She even had the nerve to say that she didn't create it. WHAT? Instead she came up with an interesting reason why.
Travel with me down a train of thought. This journey of belief may not be one you are used to or have even been interested in but your input is very valuable. For you see my friend introduced to me a new level of her understanding and it has me intrigued.
Some basic understanding will play into this and here it is:
It was an active choice to be in this world.
That being said,
She stated that it was her choice to come here to experience misery. How did she know that her previous choice for coming here was to experience the emotion misery? No judgement of what that meant; just the experience.
My question for that was? Then how do we experience free will?
She said in jest but did she really? Was it what she really believed? That would make it easier for she would have her scapegoat; her excuse. If the choice was made prior then she isn’t responsible for how her life turned out. That thought process is the poster child for having zero accountability for our present reality. The difficulty with that statement is her vocal opine and mantra to other people who had miserable experiences; why complain for you created that reality.? Which way is it? You create your reality or you live out some pre chosen fate?
Personally I cling to the Grinch story of transformation and believe that choice can create change and transformation. True stories and fiction alike, if it happened for them then maybe it can happen for her. To be continued.
Today I can choose to believe in the power of change.