Spoiler Warning! This is a short graphical story about Rex and his adventures. The subject matter within is meant for an immature audience with a good sense of humor (seriously, probably not suitable for kids under 13). These are real graphics from Xenoblade Chronicles 2, and I have not edited them. The story below may or may not be related to the actual gameplay storyline.
Episode 3: Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirtle
A Xenoblades Chronicles 2 Short Story by
Where is that snot-nose little brat? He was supposed to be here an hour ago.
Welcome to the Maelstrom. The ship where the pirates don't do anything. Here you can expect all sorts of fun. Drunken brawls. Epic games of Double Dare. Perhaps even a rousing round of pin the tail on the honky.
Of course, Rex wasn't invited to play any of the reindeer games with the merry men. His first night would be spent up in the crows nest, guiding this sleigh ride through a foggy night.
With little Rex on the lookout, everyone on board was able to go about their caroling and carousing without a care in the world.
Since Rex was all alone on the crows nest with nothing but a pair of binoculars, he managed to find a ship within sighting distance. Apparently this was a party ship too. Through the cabin windows he could see everything going on.
He couldn't take his eyes off.
Hey Peeping Tom, there is plenty of tom-foolery going on below deck. If you hurry, you can still catch the karaoke show with Mal and Jinger performing their rendition of Summer Nights.
Damn! That little girl in the cat outfit is back again. Why is she always looking at me like that? Right when they were starting to undress, too. She always shows up at the worst times. I better tell her something to convince her I am not a total pervert.
Would you look at the sky? Isn't it beautiful at night? It's a... very dazzling.
I spent my entire life digging through junk in the bottom of the ocean floor. I've found some real pearls before, but none of them as dazzling as you.
Owww! My head!
That is the last time I ever make a pass at the KitKat girl.
The little furballs were the first to suit up. Never noticed until now, but do they really have no feet?
The dive captain explained to me our mission. We're supposed to swim underwater, and lift a ship up with flotation devices.
Blaaaaa, blaaaaa, blaaaa.
I just want to go back to bed. I have a splitting headache.
Ug!
Thanks for the reminder.
Let me guess. If I screw up, she'll feed me to the tiger, right?
I'm guessing this ship doesn't have an HR department where I can file a harassment claim.
Dive Captain: The job's real simple. Climb up the crane, slide down the line, and we'll lower you into the ocean with this giant metal claw. Got it?
Woah, is that thing safe?
Dive Captain: Question time is over. If you make a mistake, don't expect a search party afterwards. Now, down ya go!
Splursh!
Think I found it. That was easy. Should only take about a million of those furballs to help me float this thing up to the surface.
Meanwhile, Danny Zuko and Sandra Dee were on deck analyzing my progress. What I didn't know is that they were actually auditioning me. I was being filmed so they could use all of my close-ups in their latest music video. The plan was to generate a bunch of steem after posting it online.
There was some discussion about whether or not I had the right "look" to be super famous. Apparently, it doesn't really matter. As long as we tag it under #wetboysunderwater a few whales on the dark web are sure to gobble it up.
No worries. I'm used to having pictures of myself being sold online for creepy old guys. It pays good.
...
Malos: Enough chit-chat. Get back to work. We're about to shoot the action sequence, and it looks like the ship has finally surfaced. I want you to run up to the entrance way and be ready for anything. Got it?
Yikes!
How about we just shoot some more underwater sequences? I'll even wear the mermaid costume this time.
Gckkstickticktick!
That's it?
Geez, you guys are really pulling short on the special effects budget. It's a giant shrimp muppet.
Jinger: Get your big blades out boys. It's time to kick some ass!
Camera crews were standing by to catch all the action from every angle.
Overall, I would say we were pretty hardcore. Even little Alvin and the Chipmunks were too shy to participate.
Yes! More action!
I'm going to be a steemillionaire!
Malos: Good job runt. Now just open those doors. We got one more big fight.
Yuurreeeek!
Crikies! You didn't tell me your mom was going to be here?
Malos: Very funny. Now slice it up.
Yeah, good luck with that plan. Why don't you guys play with the nice shark, and I'll go wait on the boat?
After we beat the shark, Malos said he wanted to find the restroom, but thought it would be too long to walk back to the boat. He suggested I check out the door up ahead. Since the sign on the door said "Addam's Crest" we were all pretty sure that was code for Men's Room.
Yup, just like the ones we use back home.
Jinger didn't know how to bypass the combination lock for some reason. I'm not sure what planet he is from. 3-left, 29-right, 5-left. I thought everyone knew that.
Malos: Hurry up pipqueek. I'm about to blow a gasket here!
You can do it Rex. Have confidence.
Alright. Here goes nothing...
It's a trap!
Where are all of these noxious fumes come from?
Malos: Forget about it. This place hasn't seen a janitor in eons. Go clean it up for me, and we'll be right behind you.
The floor is all wet.
Malos: Smells like a herd of elephants took a dump in there. You think he'll survive?
Jinger: No chance in Hell.
Thanks for reading my story. Please follow me if you want to read more about my adventures.
Join us next time as Rex discovers the world's most ultimate male fantasy waifu treasure trove of all time. It will be mind-boggling to behold, so keep your pants on.
You never know what can happen next in the Xenoblade Chronicles 2.
Check out past episodes if you want to catch up on what you missed.
Episode1, Episode2