I couldn't take my mind off with my latest chest x-ray result. It is because of the severity of my backbone's crookedness. The question is would it still progress until it finally breaks?
It is a real and present danger, anything could happen from this point on. In fact I wasn't expecting this nor what happened to me these previous years, I was caught off-guard because, I could blame someone but it will just be pointless.
My goal and priority now is for a damage control, not allowing anymore degeneration to my bones in particular. Easier said than done but I am doing it anyway because I am afraid of the pain that I will experience so I have to take my medicine for it even though the cost will mean an arm and leg for me.
I am really concerned about my back, the angle of the cervical bone about short of 60 degrees not to mention the lower back. So my backbone is shaped like an "S", more like shaped like a number "5" so it gets painful when I begin to sit up.
So maybe one day as I would sit up or do my business in the bathroom that my backbone will finally gave-in leaving me if not dead then paralyzed from the neck down.
It is really a dreaded horrible scenario and I can never cope with it it. By that time maybe my parents will just leave me be and let me die here in my bed.
And yes it is a possibility because these horrible things that happened in my life I wasn't expecting. This backbone tale that I am talking about is one that I would be expecting to happen and the pitiful scenario that will happen afterwards.
But your prayers still makes a difference so all those that are concerned about my condition I am asking for prayers because obviously my medical condition is so complicated that nobody anymore is believing that I can make it through.
I needed an event short of a miracle and I am still trying to make a difference in my life. I am still fighting because I do not like quit while there is still a glimmer of hope that I can see. Some people close to me just didn't even tried to fight with me, I am sad about it but I am just thinking that they are not obligated to help.
Now at least I have some people that shows love and support, some even hide under avatars but I can feel their good impact in my life. They are sort of an angel, a bringer of hope and strengthening my willpower to continue with my life because I was able to sustain my medical needs now even though not for my expensive goals.
Because of that I am truly thankful and grateful with all my heart that I am receiving support from strangers and friends around the world and it is really like magic while the ones that I really should rely on just didn't even lift a finger.
We only live once and yet I was one of the unfortunate ones that had this kind of medical condition. All my life I am just struggling particularly now that I have lots of burdens on my mental, financial, and physical aspects of my life so anymore complication will be the final nail in my coffin. SO I am asking God not to subject me more in such additional misery that I can never cope with anymore, I needed more prayers to turn my life around.