I had experienced one of the most terrible things that could happen to a person and that is to fail one of my major organs and then suffer its complications which is about my bones and joints.
What is even more hard is the fact that I have to buy expensive medicines just for me to be able to ward-off the worsening and lingering pain otherwise I will be back to the start where pain in my body is just too much to bear if not would give me more disfigurement to my face and backbone where things could get more unimaginably horrific to happen afterwards.
The bad thing is that it is very hard to die that way where pain will get worse until a vital part of my bones would give way like to my neck area which could lead to paralysis if not an immediate death.
It could be better if I would really die fast but at this point in time I could not even feel that I am dying. I am not feeling it with my heart like other patients who had some heart or chest pain complaints but not in my case considering that I am a dialysis patient for about 19 years now, it is just that my bones and joints are the problematic ones that I am trying to manage right now.
So my only wish is that if I can never achieve my goals then I just want my condition not to get worse, for my body pain not to give me more misery than I am experiencing currently, and for the bone degeneration to stop.
Right now I am still worried that it is the case so I just needed a lot of prayers because I am afraid of more hardships to come in my life because I do not like a lingering pain where I have to suffer before I die. No one in this world not even bad people deserves to live like this. So I am also praying to God to give me inner strength if not some miracle to help me recover from my terrible medical conditions.