Hi and thankq for sharing your story which I can so relate.
I also question why so much hate / (ego) has been able to go on for so long in our lifetimes.

When I think of cruilty at times its unbearable...why, why?

With reading your story I felt you as a empath, a lightworker. We are very sensitive and often our good hearts and gratitude is taken advantage of. I call these energy draining vampires who will gladly milk you for their own self serving egos.

I look at life with two directions the ego/hate or eco/love, yin and yang kind of thing and we get to choose which to accept with each moment of choice.

For the world to become more eco/love it begins within each and everyone of us, we the collective energies choose the coarse on which direction we lead this "ship".

To empaths/lightworkers the eco seems a "natural" approach of living, the "ego livers" just dont get it which at times is frustrating. That is when we need to step back and focus on ourselves (where it all begins).

If I think of all the ego/hateful things happening in this world how I counteract it is by giving "infinate love and gratitude to the world" to stop the pain (switch it to the eco).

To steer this ship forward towards earths 6D assention and humanities 5D assention we need to wake the fuck up!! The sooner we do the sooner the cruilty/hate/ego will diminish.

We are all here at a cruitial time on earth atm. Im hearing you with the "I dont want to be negative but.." yes its difficult not to be at times with what surrounds us.

To take away the pain and hurt to whats going on I use much meditation, it helps!

I believe we come from various starseed aliens some good and some not so good, and the fighting going on for thousands of years is a alien war. Good aliens vs bad aliens. Fortunately you and I are good aliens.

Hang in there, we are shifting to a higher loving energy and all we can do is be kind to ourselves and others without being fooled!

Spreading negative and fearing energy is collective, shift it to positive promoting energy.

However these are just my views. Stay safe in your part of the world and keep smiling. Life is good and we are here to experience joy.

Cheers and Namaste
Shift happens
Earthship 420 🌏