Fear of failure, fear of dying, fear of solitude…. There is an endless amount of things you can fear. Reasonable and irrational. It is reasonable to fear bears if you live in the woods in middle of grizzly bear habitat, but is that really reasonable fear them in middle of city? I think we all have some fears, not like them all disturb our daily lives, but some do, for some people. Fear is something necessary to humankind, or it used to be. Evolution has created certain amount of fear just to help humankind to survive, but what if fear becomes something that shadows your whole life, and you don’t even realize that you are living in total darkness?
Fear of losing control
I thought I had no irrational fears. In generally speaking, I don’t feel fear too much. But I shocked even my self when I had to take a surgery and I felt enormous fear rising. Not really because of surgery, but because of people. I don’t trust people, so when there is equation where is people, drugs and knives, I had nightmare in my hands. I don’t really have fear of dying. Of course that would suck, but we all die, that is something we can’t avoid. But when I have to give away control and self-determination I feel anxious, like my personal world would collapse if I don’t hold all the strings in my own hands.
Okay, I had a surgery and nothing happened, no apocalypse, not in my own personal world, nor in world in general. What a disappointment…
Fear of not being fully in charge of your self have been somewhat a big deal for a long time. I don’t like to lose that control, ever. Even if I seemingly give up that control, like while having my precious gin, I still maintain most control, I just let it loosen up a little. I have witnessed too many times in my life what happens when people lose control, and it ain’t pretty for me. I like to be fully responsible from my actions, no matter how dumb they may be.
Fear of missing out
AH, the all and mighty FOMO. Usually people link FOMO together with photographing but for me it is also more than fear of losing the picture of the perfect sunset. I fear that I’m missing out of experiences because of responsibilities. Adulting is so boring, that I think we all should have certain amount of FOMO in us. The common has tendency to kill our sense of time. Thought that ”I’ll do it tomorrow, later, next week” slopes into our minds more and more often, until it is only thing we do. Should, would, could yet still, never do, did, done.
I respect my parents, but I disagree the way of life they are living. There is no surprises there, all routine, I get it, it works. But it is also way of life that will drown you. Days turn into weeks, weeks into months and months into years, and after 30 years you realize you haven’t fulfill not even one dream of yours and the routines of life have slaved you and drowned you alive.
The thought of suffocating into my own life frightens me.And I think it totally should frightens me. I’m only 27years old, and I just realized that I have wasted almost 10 years of my life, for doing nothing and something, I really can’t even tell. It just vanished into thin air. I have listened in this past year several people and I can hear so much regret in all those voices.
”I wish I had traveled more…”
” I wish I had chased my dreams..”
” I wish I hadn’t work so much..”
” I wish I had stopped more often..”
There really would be like a million examples more.
I don’t think wishing anything afterwards helps. Okay, I think I should have thought this earlier, but fact is I didn’t, that is something I have to live with. I’m pleased that I thought it now, even if it took too much time to realize that we only have this one change. No retakes. I regret that I didn’t do things earlier, but I decided that I’m not going to waste any more opportunities, for all it matters you only live once.
Fear it!
How about those things you should fear? Or at least some people seems to think so. You should fear dying alone!( Lol, or just dying!) You should fear losing! You should fear solitude, and you should fear not being independent. Fear is like glass over our heads. For some time it can help us, keep us safe. But time comes when the thing that used to be shelter for us, is preventing our growth. I think we should fear the fear it self. I do fear it.
I fear that I block opportunities from my life because of some lame excuse which I use just to drape the real reason behind the excuse. I fear that the fear it self takes control of my actions, and there it is, my life long friend: Fear of losing control.
Fear not?
I like to keep my self somewhat as a free spirit (Well, not the hippie way) I want to be able to enjoy my life fearlessly in general’s. I need to be able to grow, so I want to break trough from that that glass dome that once protected me and gave me tools for survival. The world don’t need to agree with my choices. It just have to cope with them. This past year, I have broke more shackles than ever before, and I finally feel like I can breath a little. I have lost a lot people from my life, and I totally get it. It isn’t easy for radical conservatives to understand hunger of freedom from everything that used to be.
There is a lot of things some people think I should fear, because of the way of life I have chosen to live. Like solitude. Independence is something people value, until you reach certain age, then you have to start live in fear. I should fear that I don’t find somebody who is willing to have a relationship with me. I should fear that I never get married, nor have kids. I should fear that my independence has backfired and I end up having 15 cats.
I should fear that I’m not ordinary. But do I even want life like that? Fear not, because everything I seemingly should fear is not worth of that feeling. I braise those things, not fear them. Except cats. NEVER going to get cats.
There is no point to fix something that isn’t broken. But sometimes, is there a point to break something that is solid?