I don't like my brain today.
I don't much care for myself on the best of days, but today, my brain is far too spacey and has a tendency to run wild with "what ifs". So, we're not on great terms right now.
I don't like being inarticulate. I like to be able to express myself clearly, but with an above average vocabulary. I grew up reading, and developed a love for language. But I don't like writing a sentence three times and having it come out disjointed and clunky.
I dont like writer's block. I don't like staring at a blank piece of paper or the flashing indicator on a Word document that gives my imagination stage fright.
I don't like how woefully one sided this site is. How one article can dominate entire servers, leaving everything else virtually ignored. Or how bots can generate automatic income from recycled porn or plagiarized material.
I don't like the state of the world. I don't like how the actions of one oblivious, self-serving, intolerable little man has effectively dashed away all the progress we made in the last 7 decades. I'm nearly frustrated enough to grab a rifle and liberate the concentration camps that the US is running. Since apparently, nobody else can be fucked to do it.
I don't like how much of my abusive childhood I remember, and how much it ties my hands in my day to day. I've got enough shit on the go without having to be too shy to ask for help.
I don't like how confusing my transition is becoming. Ive always struggled with the phrase "Just be yourself" because I have no fucking clue who I'm supposed to be.
I don't like how much suffering there is in the world, and I feel powerless to stop it. Or even make anyone else care.
I don't like today. But I'm going to try again tomorrow.
💜 Roxy 💜