William Southold | Opinion Columnist |The Southold Report
“Speaking fiction to power one story at a time.”
Last Sunday something new happened between me and our dog that caught me off guard. I was totally surprised by it.
I was watching one of my usual Sunday political shows, Meet The Press, Fox News Sunday, Inside Politics, I don’t remember exactly which one, when I was interrupted by a loud clearing of the throat, followed by an equally loud “ah-hem!”.
I looked down and there was Middie, staring up at me. Middie eschews these shows, and I typically don’t run into her until later Sunday mornings. But I could tell, she hadn’t come in here to watch TV. She had fixed her eyes on me, and in fact, she looked worried, concerned.
Since my wife came home from her long visit with our kids and grandkids a little over a week ago, Middie had been spending most of her time with my wife. As I say, I was taken by surprise. Here is what transpired:
Middie: May I have a moment?
Me: Yes, of course Middie, what can I do for you?
Middie: Well, it’s more of a case of what I can do for you.
Me: What you can do for me? Please tell me, what is it that you would like to do for me?
Middie: Well, I’ve been thinking. I’ve decided to turn over a new leaf. Consider me here to help you.
Middie paused, lay down for a second, and seemed to be brushing something from her eye. She then sat back up and assumed a more composed stare.
Me: Help me? Is something wrong?
Middie: (almost sighing) Oh yes. There is. I am not surprised this hasn’t occurred to you, but Good Lord, you are in desperate need of a different way of thinking!
Me: A different way of thinking? Oh, this should be good.
Middie: It will certainly be a challenge. Whether it is good or not is entirely up to you.
Me: But you’re up for the challenge.
Middie: Let’s call it more of a necessity. And I am speaking for more than myself, here.
Now I was puzzled, but took it in stride.
Me: Oh, then by all means, continue. (I added an extended sweeping of the hand to indicate my willingness to hear this choice advice.)
Middie: Well, where to start? Let’s see. I suppose this, right here, watching political shows, would be a great place to start.
Me: Well, I know you don’t like them.
Middie: Like them? Of course I don’t like them. Why on earth would anyone like them?
Me: Well, as I assume you’ve observed, it is my business to watch them. I have actually been on one or two. It was years ago. You wouldn’t have seen it.
Middie: I wouldn’t have seen them even if I was older than you. Oh, no. A total waste of time. And totally unhealthy to boot. That’s more to the point.
Me: Unhealthy?
Middie: Oh yes. And, I suppose, this is what I really wanted to talk to you about. How you have fallen into this very unhealthy lifestyle.
Me: Unhealthy lifestyle? Oh, please, do tell.
Middie: OK. I will. You must be aware that politics, itself, is unhealthy. There is hardly anything healthy about it. People who are involved in it almost always become totally wrapped up in it. It becomes a matter of obsession, really. They tend to eat, drink, and think of it almost to the exclusion of everything else. That, in itself, is the definition of unhealthy, unbalance, behavior. Bottle that with all the negativity involved - tearing down your opponent, oppo research . . . it totally . . . wreaks.
Me: Well, it happens to be my chosen profession, to learn about it, observe it, to report on it.
Middie: I know. Too sad. (Here, I thought she sighed again. At least her tiny shoulders slumped.) That is why I have decided to launch this intervention. You need to expand your horizons. Before it’s too late.
Me: And how would you recommend I go about that?
Middie paused, as if she were really putting some thought into what to say next.
Middie: Well, let’s start with a little basic brain science.
(Our dog, the scientist now, I thought. Middie continued.)
Middie: Well, the human brain, and the dog brain as well, is always improved by positive thought. Positive thinking produces chemicals that make you happy, optimistic, and more emotionally stable. In other words, it helps you C - O - P - E!
(My God. This dog was sitting back on her haunches and flailing her front paws like some cheerleader leading the COPE Cheer! It took me a moment to recover.)
Me: So I take it you are advising me to relax more.
Middie: Immediately. And turn off the damn political shows! Give yourself a break. Give us all a break.
With that, Middie got up and headed for the door. But she wasn’t quite done.
Middie: Next time we’ll work on internal messaging. And unwanted repetitive thoughts, you need that too.
So there I was, left with my thoughts, compliments of my own “dog therapist”. I picked up the remote, ready to turn back on my political shows. I pointed the damn thing at the screen, but I couldn’t pull the trigger. I just sat there, thinking.
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(Our Dog, Middie, giving heartfelt advice.)
