Please take note that this is a product of imagination or fiction. Thank you.
Some people say it takes a lot of courage to be in a long distance relationship. Some would tell you that it is just a matter of destiny; whether or not your stars are aligned and that your red string is attached unto him. Some would even say that only fools fall in love and it is just a matter of being practical nowadays.
As for me, I do not know which fits I thought I fell in love but I was not at all. I fell in the depths of despair. I was drowning all alone and I was dragging your arms.
He was the rain on my hot timid summer. He was even my rainbow that brought me back to my childhood. He was so colorful. He made me dance and sing all my heart out. The sound that he created and the words he said were music to my heart. But too much of rain brought me destruction -- destruction of my inner existence.
He was a star. And they say stars stay where they are, gleaming its radiance in the colorful milky way. And I was not like him. I was his spectator. At a glance, I felt he was so great but the moment I got closer to him, I was so afraid he might get me burn.
These were all the thoughts I had in mind when I was breaking up with him. I thought he was up to tearing me apart like a destructive ball of fire. The opposite thing happened.
And this is the story of the Rain that never came back because I sang Rain Rain Go Away many times. I wonder now whether the words "the tongue has power to makd things happen" is real.
Just like many millenials, I met him online. No, it was not Tinder. It was Tumblr. We were conversing online because I thought we like the same things and we like the same guys, but no! He was a guy and he got attracted to me. I am not beautiful to begin with. I am clumsy. I was crazy. I curse a lot like a drunk guy. But he was still crazy about me. He loved every bit of imperfections in my body. And most of all, he loved how I cracked him jokes.
We were 1,270 kms away from each other. It was like I lived in another country sharing jokes and uncensored opinions about politics just like Donald Trump with a mixture Niccolo Machiavelli. PERFECT COMBO!
We became bestfriends for few weekd and lovers online. I left all my hobbies and focused on him alone. I thought those sacrifices were enough and that he deserves all my attention.
We wanted to get married soon after we both graduate from college. We wanted to live like nomads and travel to places. We plan to live away from the stressed of the society because we hated too much pressure in life.
Few months passed and we got to meet each other. He should be tall! He should be very handsome! He should be very stunning to be my prince charming --but he was not. He was a cute boy-next-door bearing five-four foot tall. He was nothing special for me.
He handed me flowers and a small blueberry cheesecake wrapped in a brown paper bag. Okay! I thought I like him already at that moment.
We got along pretty well. We walked on the dark streets of Quezon City in midnight despite my curfew. We reached for the elevator. He hugged me and kissed me as if he longed for me. I responded just like how female lead actresses act out. It was like making love. It was our souls becoming into one without sexual contact.
I had my internship six hours away from him. He travels from Laguna to Pasig just to see me. We walked along the busy streets of Makati too and travelled to his place to meet his family. There were days too I travel alone and falling asleep on the way meeting him.
He was my first in everything-- everything was sensual on whatever you could think about. And I was his also. We dreamed of forever and a lifetime full of surprises.
The first time something happened to us almost did not happen. The people around thought of me as minor when in fact I am already 22. They even asked me for my identification card for verification.
We were like teenagers. We ran all over his university. We got lost in different in Manila. We painted the town red. We craved of each other more and more each day until the day that I need to go back home comes. I was crying on my journey back to my city.
There was some sort of magic potion on that first kiss which made us crave for each other just like the king of the jungle and his beloved lioness. Days, weeks, and months passed, and so we met again but on the busy streets of Cebu City. He still smell so good that I could not deny how attracted I am to him.
He met my family and they were against him, especially my aunt. My mom told me was no good for me and I deserve someone better. It got me thinking. I started to doubt my feelings for him. Do I really love him? Or I just love the idea of being in love with him?
I kept thinking about this. I discerned. I tried to picture my future with him. And so I thought I was in love. I was in lust instead. While he was falling in love, he was also falling apart because of me.
Those days turned weeks of boredom, those weeks of boredom then turned months of hatred. Frustrated of not seeing him, frustrated of seeing him online with some other girls. It was my pride he hit. I was angry that I wanted to punch him in the face and cut his gut out and feed it to fairies. My hatred turned into a chain on his neck that was choking him. My spiteful words became a knife that was stabbing his back every hate word comes from my mouth.
I grew weary. I wanted my way out. I went outside the door and ran towards the nearest person I could grab unto.
While I was playing with someone else, he was pleading for me to come back. Those pleads turn into blackmails but I was never moved by it.
He followed me and left the door open. He wanted me inside with him again. He was willing to forgive and forget every bad thing I did to him.
"Beatrice, I love surprises, but I was not expecting this type of surprise from you". He said those words while crying in front of me. He travelled by boat for days just to see his "one true love" -- that one true love that broke all their visions and dreams together. He travelled to fix the broken glasses, but by fixing it he got himself wounded. And just like a kid, he cried and said these words to me, " I loved you so much. We talked about getting married and having kids right? What did I do wrong? I never expected we would end like this."
Those words I told you were all half-hearted. We were so young at that time. You wanted to settle when the right time comes, but I wanted to play games. And I sorry for playing your young heart. I know for a fact I took your innocence, your time to be with your friends. I wish I could turn back the time and ask Einstein to focus on creating a time machine for me rather than focusing on his theories and scientific studies.
Our red strings were never attached. It just happened it intertwined. Our stars were never alligned. We were just both crazy beings who thought thst we fell in love with each other and regarded one another as The Right One.
True love as they say is hard to find. This is a four part series of a woman finding its way to love.
While writing, I kept remembering the places that I had been when we had our Embassy Tour and intership in Manila.
