I used to do it - you know, write for cash. I was proud then. I was also a very good writer. My words had power. I was my own Alexander Hamilton, of sorts.
But, I wrote behind a screen - for someone else. I was a ghost. Literally.
I would often see the articles I wrote in publications online. Sometimes, the writers who paid me would send me links, just for kicks. I never got credit for my writing but I always got paid. I considered it freelancing. It wasn't much, but it was easy. And, I liked the fame, even if I went unnamed. I knew the articles were mine and that was cool.
But then, one day, I was standing in line at a grocery store and I saw one of my articles on the front page of a very well known newspaper. I was floored. This was a huge paper, nationwide and, there was my writing. Front page.
If I had been a real writer with my real name on that article, it might have been one of the proudest days of my life. But, instead, I stood there in my sweat pants with my baseball cap on, thinking, This isn't me. This isn't right.
Something was wrong. Something had changed. I once wrote from the heart, long long ago. But, then times got tough and I liked the popularity of being a published writer, even if only I knew ... so when I got a few offers, I took them. I started writing for cash. Well, Paypal, to be exact. Either way, talking points were exchanged, and off I went. I had a knack, for sure.
But, that day - the day I saw myself on the front page of a major newspaper, I realized that something wasn't right.
I read the headline and the by the first few paragraphs, I knew. I didn't agree with a single word of what I wrote. In fact, I disagreed very much. I was disgusted with myself. I looked around at the other people in line and watched as they read some of the paper that sat propped up on the line display. They too cringed. It wasn't a popular opinion that I had elegantly argued for, on someone's else's behalf, who too was probably writing on someone else's command. The relay of information in the article just went on and on and all with very little sourcing and quite a bit of slanting.
All I could think was ... I'm ashamed.
I stopped writing for quite awhile after that grocery trip. I ignored emails until eventually the offers stopped. I write from the heart now - not for the cash. The old saying watch your words has much meaning to me now. I pray for forgiveness.
"But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken." Matthew 12:36
On a closing note, it makes it difficult for me to believe anything I read or see in the news these days. I check all sources very very closely now. I recommend all do.
I should have then.
